Warriors torture show
by twilightshadowmidna
Summary: Warriors, dead or alive, are chosen to be tortured/dared in the best ways... Rated T for language and minor violence. Originally on my account sailormoon1032, but I can't access it so it's on my backup account.
1. Welcome!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors or the cats dared/tortured, but the hosts and security are mine.**

**Hosts:  
Sparkleflower **- Sanity level -115. Is obsessed with Graystripe. Most insane, dangerous, and smart host. Owns a purple sparkly taser (pink is too manly!) named Electrovi, is her best friend. Hates Millie and constantly tortures her.

**Tigerstripe **- Sanity level 70 when grumpy (so just about always) but when happy it lowers. Doesn't care about most the cats, but enjoys watching Sparkleflower taser them. Has "muscle spasms" while holding a knife that makes him stab "on accident".

**Angelfur** - Sanity level -80. Hates Blackfoot. Obsessed with Brackenfur. Cousins with Sparkleflower. Owns a random ball with retractable poison spikes.

**Spottedpaw** - Apprentice (still looking for a mentor, can be security or host!). Sanity level 0. Loves Hollyleaf (o.e). Enjoys watching Tigerstripe get annoyed. Uses a slingshot with sharp rocks as projectiles.

**Security:**  
**Willowmoon** - Sanity level 45. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower.

**Mudface** - Sanity level 38. Uses a grenade launcher. If annoyed, cats will go flying.

**Greykit** - Sanity level -95. Sparkleflower's kit. Named after Graystripe, replacing the 'a' with an 'e'. Uses all assassin items.

"Hi!" Sparkleflower greeted. "Welcome to..."  
"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other hosts chimed in.  
"This is the show where we take random characters from the Warriors series and torture or dare them!" Sparkleflower said.  
"Where's the button?" Tigerstripe asked.  
"Button? What button?" Spottedpaw asked stupidly.  
"The button that Sparkleflower stole from TortureClan for this show," Angelfur explained.

Mudface walked in dragging Greykit. "Sparkleflower, I found your kit trying to steal the torture button."

Willowmoon handed it to her. "Here."  
Greykit struggled in Mudface's grip. "Nuuuu! Give it ba-" He cut off and fell asleep as Willowmoon stabbed him with a syringe needle.  
"Finally," Tigerstripe sighed, "that thing was just..."  
"Oh, my beautiful torture button!" Sparkleflower cried, stroking it sweetly.  
Spottedpaw stared in astonishment. "Sh-She doesn't even care that her own SON was stabbed in the neck with a needle! What kind of a mother IS she?"  
Sparkleflower looked over. "Oh, him... Just... um... throw him in the corner or something. He'll wake up later." She waved her paw dismissively.  
"Kaaay!" Angelfur tossed him over, grinning madly.  
"Moving on..." Tigerstripe muttered. "Are there any dares?"

* * *

Spottedpaw carefully looked away from Sparkleflower, who was murmuring to the button. "Well, seeing as it's our first episode, Sparkleflower made up her own. She's supposed to read it, but seeing as she's... busy... I suppose I'll have to. There's two. First Millie."  
Sparkleflower looked up from her trance. "Millie? Where? Lemme at her!"  
"She's part of your dare, remember?" Tigerstripe said.  
"Aah, yes, I remember!" Sparkleflower exclaimed, pushing the button and poofing her into the studio, smiling sweetly.  
"- so I think we should mess up my organs even more by having MORE kits-" Millie was saying. "Huh? Graystripe-?"  
Sparkleflower spoke. "Hello, Millie."  
"Where am I? Who are you?" Millie asked, terrified.  
Spottedpaw answered, "Why, you're on the Warriors Torture Show."  
"You have to do a dare," Angelfur told her.  
Millie stared. "What? No! Take me back to ThunderClan!"  
Sparkleflower held up Electrovi, who was buzzing with 10,000 watts of electricity. "I'm sorry, I must've misheard you. Did you say no?"  
Millie eyed Electrovi warily. "Umm... what's the dare?"  
Tigerstripe walked up and whispered the dare in her ear.  
"WHAT?" she screeched. "No way! I won't do that!" Suddenly she heard a buzzing noise and saw Electrovi dangerously close to her side. "... on second thought, I will." Sparkleflower poofed her to StarClan.  
"Hey Silverstream!" Millie called. "Graystripe thinks you're a little bitch and he thanks Cinderpelt for not saving you, and so do I! I also have had at least 7 litters of his kits and expect to have more!" She poofed back to the other cats and was surprised when Silverstream was poofed there.  
Tigerstripe locked them in a room and gave Silverstream a flamethrower. "Have fun!"  
Angelfur stared, shocked. "Did... you just smile?"  
Somewhere in the depths of Hell, Satan shivered, surrounded by snow. "FUCK."  
Spottedpaw let Silverstream out and poofed her back to StarClan, then brought Millie back to life and poofed her to ThunderClan before Sparkleflower could kill her. "What's the next dare?"  
"This is with Tigerstar. He has to go live as a kittypet with Twolegs that have a ton of kits. He cannot hurt any Twolegs, can not eat fresh-kill, only kittypet pellets or mush, and must wear a purple and pink collar with either a bell or bow or both. He must be this way for 7 months." She grinned.  
Angelfur poofed Tigerstar to the studio and told him what to do. "Up for it?"  
Tigerstar looked confused. "What-? No!"  
"Too bad!" Tigerstripe poofed him to the Twoleg den.

((7 months later))  
"Let's see how he's doing!" Sparkleflower said, poofing him back.  
Tigerstar was on his back, purring, wearing a pink frilly bow with a bow in the middle and a purple dress, and his breath reeked of kittypet food.  
"You go home now." Sparkleflower poofed him to the Dark Forest.  
Greykit walked in. "Hey! I just woke up and found out it was NOVEMBER! What the hell!"  
Spottedpaw blinked. "Oh, huh, we totally forgot about him."

Sorry if it sucks ^^' my first time! Review please! Oh, and yes, I'm looking for a mentor for Spottedpaw! Must give name, sanity level, host or security, and extra info like their weapon of choice- only small things if a host but security can get anything. XD And if you have any suggestions for torture feel free to tell me via PM! And the first person to answer this question gets a freebie; they can do whatever, have their cat in the show guest star/do something with a character of choice or do a dare with the hosts. The question is: Using clues from this episode, what month was it when Greykit fell asleep? Again, please review!


	2. Hawkpath

**Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors or the cats dared/tortured, but the hosts and security are mine.  
**  
**Hosts:  
Sparkleflower **- Sanity level -115. Is obsessed with Graystripe. Most insane, dangerous, and smart host. Owns a purple sparkly taser (pink is too manly!) named Electrovi, is her best friend. Hates Millie and constantly tortures her.

**Tigerstripe **- Sanity level 70 when grumpy (so just about always) but when happy it lowers. Doesn't care about most the cats, but enjoys watching Sparkleflower taser them. Has "muscle spasms" while holding a knife that makes him stab "on accident".

**Angelfur** - Sanity level -80. Hates Blackfoot. Obsessed with Brackenfur. Cousins with Sparkleflower. Owns a random ball with retractable poison spikes.

**Spottedpaw** – Apprentice. Sanity level 0. Loves Hollyleaf (o.e). Enjoys watching Tigerstripe get annoyed. Uses a slingshot with sharp rocks as projectiles.

**Security:**  
**Willowmoon** - Sanity level 45. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower.

**Mudface** - Sanity level 38. Uses a grenade launcher. If annoyed, cats will go flying.

**Greykit** - Sanity level -95. Sparkleflower's kit. Named after Graystripe, replacing the 'a' with an 'e'. Uses all assassin items.

**Hawkpath** - Sanity level 97. Brown she-cat with black paws, tail tip, and ears. When made mad her eyes will turn ice blue and she WILL use her incredibly sharp claws

"Hi!" Sparkleflower greeted. "Welcome to..."  
**"**The Warriors Torture Show!" the other hosts chimed.

"Today we have two announcements!" Spottedpaw said. "First up: The contest was won by WolfHeart911. You guessed first and you said:

'Hmmm... *thinks a bit* Could the month be April? Also, please update! I like  
this story... *grins evilly*'"

"That wasn't frikkin' funny!" Greykit complained.

"It was incredibly funny," Angelfur snickered.

"Your prize will be either guest starring in the show or making a special dare with one of our hosts," Tigerstripe said boredly. Now, the second announcement..."

"We have a new security guard," Willowmoon announced. "Her name is Hawkpath. Please don't anger her, those claws look unusually dangerous."

Hawkpath nodded, claws glinting as she licked a paw and drew it over her cheek.

"Now, this is a quick reply and was made late at night so there weren't many reviews, therefore no dares, so I made up a few!" Sparkleflower giggled. "First, Firestar."

Firestar was poofed in. "What in the? Where am I?"

"You're at the Warriors Torture Show," Angelfur explained.

"I'm on TV?" Firestar exclaimed. "Sweet!" He waved at no one in particular. "Wait, what was that about torture?"

"You have to kiss Willowmoon-" Sparkleflower began.

Willowmoon purred contentedly.

"- in front of Spottedleaf and Sandstorm," Sparkleflower finished. "Either that, or would you like to test our new security guard's talent for us?"

"Can I think that over?" Firestar asked nervously.

"Are you really that scared of a dead medicine cat and your girlfriend?" Spottedpaw asked.

"...maybe..." Firestar replied in a small voice.

"You're a wuss..." Tigerstripe muttered. "I think I'd rather go with the two chicks in your life than the newest one in this studio."

"Then I'll take Hawkpath," Firestar decided.

"Good luck!" Sparkleflower locked him in a room with Hawkpath. "He'd better TRY to get her to hurt him, or he'll have to get better acquainted with Electrovi."

"Did you really have to give him the other option?" Willowmoon demanded. "I was going to be able to kiss my ickle Fifi!"

"You can chase Hawkpath with a bazooka later," Sparkleflower offered.

"Okay!"

"Umm.. Sparkleflower..." Angelfur called. "I think Firestar needs some motivation."

Sparkleflower walked up to the glass holding Electrovi.

"Ack!" Firestar jumped. "Umm- er- Hey, Hawkpath, your claws don't look sharp at all."

"Excuse me?" Hawkpath asked coolly.

"Yeah, you look like a kittypet." Firestar prayed to StarClan. "How harmless. You're a softie, you couldn't hurt a fly."

"I'm afraid you've made a huge mistake." Hawkpath took a step towards the leader. "You see, I sharpen my claws hourly on the finest tree bark around. No _kittypet_ can say that. Now, since you are unconvinced, I will have to demonstrate what they do."

"No!" Firestar screamed. "Wait! I get it—no-AAAAUGH!"

"Oh, that's gruesome." Sparkleflower flinched.

"Tigerstripe?" Spottedpaw called. "Hey, Tigerstripe."

"Huh? What?" Tigerstripe asked confusedly. "Oh, oh, yeah. Right." He had a faraway look in his eyes.

"He's enjoying this too much." Angelfur shivered.

"Which is scary..." Sparkleflower muttered.

Hawkpath walked out calmly. "I'll go now, thank you very much." She left to show in the room where, well, lets just say there are less bloody places in the studio.

"Ouch." Sparkleflower brought Firestar back to life and poofed him back to ThunderClan. "Next dare!" She poofed up Jayfeather.

"What?" Jayfeather demanded. "Leave me alone! I know you! StarClan will-"

"StarClan, SchmarClan," Spottedpaw interrupted. "Do you think we'd torture cats if we actually believed in that crap?"

Jayfeather gasped. "Nuuu! Rock! Rock! Did you hear that?"  
"Who's he talking to?" Angelfur asked.

"Who knows..." Tigerstripe replied. "All the medicine cats are delusional to me."

"Point." Sparkleflower turned to the blind medicine cat. "Anyways, Jayfeather, you have to say you think Dovewing makes a better "one of the Three" than Hollyleaf ever would've."

"Say that about my SISTER?" Jayfeather asked, startled. "But- but- she's my SISTER! She'd kill me, I'm blind!"

"Too bad." She poofed Hollyleaf to the studio.

"Warrior code forever!" Hollyleaf shouted.

"Riiiight." Tigerstripe locked them in a room made of steel.

"Dovewing does waaaay better than you as a cat with superpowers." Jayfeather prayed to StarClan.

"...you're right." Hollyleaf admitted, defeated. "At least she obeys the Warrior Code."

"WHAT?" Sparkleflower demanded. Tigerstripe muttered something disappointedly as the siblings hugged and made up.

"That was unexpected." Spottedpaw poofed them back to ThunderClan.

"Well that's all for now!" Sparkleflower said. "See ya next time on..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other hosts said.

Here! The second chapter! I can't wait for your request, Wolfheart911! Please review! Make sure if you request a dare that it is in a PM!


	3. New security

**Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors or the cats dared/tortured, but the hosts and security are mine.  
**  
**Hosts:  
Sparkleflower **- Sanity level -115. Is obsessed with Graystripe. Most insane, dangerous, and smart host. Owns a purple sparkly taser (pink is too manly!) named Electrovi, is her best friend. Hates Millie and constantly tortures her.

**Tigerstripe **- Sanity level 70 when grumpy (so just about always) but when happy it lowers. Doesn't care about most the cats, but enjoys watching Sparkleflower taser them. Has "muscle spasms" while holding a knife that makes him stab "on accident".

**Angelfur** - Sanity level -80. Hates Blackfoot. Obsessed with Brackenfur. Cousins with Sparkleflower. Owns a random ball with retractable poison spikes.

**Spottedpaw** – Apprentice. Sanity level 0. Loves Hollyleaf (o.e). Enjoys watching Tigerstripe get annoyed. Uses a slingshot with sharp rocks as projectiles.

**Security:**  
**Willowmoon** - Sanity level 45. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower.

**Mudface** - Sanity level 38. Uses a grenade launcher. If annoyed, cats will go flying.

**Greykit** - Sanity level -95. Sparkleflower's kit. Named after Graystripe, replacing the 'a' with an 'e'. Uses all assassin items.

**Hawkpath** - Sanity level 97. Brown she-cat with black paws, tail tip, and ears. When made mad her eyes will turn ice blue and she WILL use her incredibly sharp claws

**Spottedfire** - Sanity level 103. Has a bracelet that lets her turn into stuff like dragons and tigers (her favorite transformations) Dark tortoiseshell she-cat with orange splotches and emerald green eyes. Has 3 kits (Eaglekit, Mosskit, Honeykit)Likes to fight with Lionblaze. Mate is Lightningstrike (White tom with golden streaks and pale green eyes) who makes random appearances on the show with various weapons.

**(I'm sorry, you didn't specify a position!) Other- Leafwing** – Weapon is a big stick with poisonous thorns on it that can make you fall asleep and have 100 nightmares.

"Hi!" Sparkleflower greeted. "Welcome to..."  
**"**The Warriors Torture Show!" the other hosts chimed.

"There's a lot to say before we begin today!" Sparkleflower announced. "First off, two new cats! I'll let the other guards introduce them..."

"Okay," Mudface said, "first off there's Leafwing! I assume she's a security cat but I'm not clarifying because she didn't say... but here she is! Don't let yourself get hit by that stick..."

Leafwing swung the stick around dangerously. "Hiya!"

"Eep! Don't hurt me!" Greykit squeaked.

"Be a man like Graystripe!" Sparkleflower ordered.

"Acting like that isn't normal for a queen, is it?" Tigerstripe asked uncertainly.

"Absolutely not!" Angelfur exclaimed. "Especially the fact that she loves a button more than him!"

"So... who's the next cat?" Spottedpaw asked.

"Next is Spottedfire," Willowmoon said. "She is definitely security, we're sure of it."

"And she's _magical!" _Greykit shouted happily.

"Is he normally this slow?" Spottedfire questioned.

"Well, apparently he was stuck with a sleep needle by Willowmoon, that might be it..." Hawkpath told her, "but I wasn't even here to see it (god dammit!) so I can't clarify that for you."

"That _wasn't_ funny!" Greykit whined.

"Which means it was funny as hell." Spottedfire said. "I know this logic."

"Smart, she already knows our logic!" Spottedpaw exclaimed.

"Spottedpaw..." Sparkleflower stared, astonished. "You're an idiot."

"What? Why?" Spottedpaw was confused.

Tigerstripe facepalmed. "Dude, who _doesn't _know our show logic? It's obvious."

"We thought you were bad, but this is just... wow..." Angelfur shook her head.

"Moving on!" Sparkleflower said quickly. "WolfHeart911, you claimed your prize! You said:

'Oh I got confused XD. Ok, let Sparkleflower and Hawkpath be in the same room and fight. But I wanted to know if you could also do the other dare. That would be awesome. And you can make changes to it. Thanks!'

That 'other dare' is a secret to you viewers for certain reasons I will not explain. Okay, so here goes. !"

"I'm right here... to the torture proof room!" Hawkpath went there with Sparkleflower.

"Let's begin!" Sparkleflower said.

"Let's continue while they fight..." Angelfur suggested. "It's a very even match, isn't it? Next dare, we'll do WolfHeart911's one." She poofed Tigerheart, Dovewing, and Bumblestripe to the studio-

"What? I'm scared!" Dovewing trembled. "Jayfeather warned me about this place!"

"Don't worry, Dovewing!" Tigerheart stepped in front of Dovewing. "I'll protect you!"

"Mouse-brained little prick!" Bumblestripe snarled.

"Frog-dung!" Tigerheart retaliated.

"Hey, Dovewing..." Tigerstripe whispered the dare in her ear.

Dovewing gasped. "Nuu! But Tigerheart and I-"

Spottedpaw silenced her. "Do it!"

"Do what now?" Tigerheart and Bumblestripe spoke in unison.

Dovewing took a deep breath. "Tigerheart, I have to tell you... I love Bumblestripe."

"What? But Dovewing-" Tigerheart was hurt.

"Yesss~!" Bumblestripe punched the air victoriously.

Spottedpaw poofed Bumblestripe and Tigerheart to the other torture room and gave Bumblestripe a chainsaw while Tigerheart was seething with anger.

Bumblestripe stared at the weapon in his paws. "Why will I need this? I'm perfectly-"

Tigerheart stole the chainsaw from Bumblestripe and ripped him to shreds, laughing maniacally.

"Tigerstripe is in all his glory..." Spottedpaw muttered.

Tigerstripe giggled girlishly.

Angelfur poofed the cats back, resurrecting Bumblestripe when Tigerheart was done.

"Whoa!" Spottedpaw shouted. "Look at Hawkpath and Sparkleflower!" Tigerstripe and Angelfur looked into the room.

"Damn!"

Sparkleflower was lying on her side with numerous scratches on her sides, back, tail, and face, and her eyes were closed. Hawkpath had a couple shallow scratches but mainly pairs of dots where Electrovi zapped her, fur was black and standing straight up, and her eyes were glazed over. Tigerstripe brought them back to life.

"So it was a tie?" Spottedpaw asked.

Sparkleflower shook out her fur. "Let's agree to never do that again."

"Right," Hawkpath agreed.

"Next!" Sparkleflower poofed Lionblaze and Jayfeather into the studio.

"Dammit not again!" Jayfeather screeched.

"You two have to be gay kittehs," Angelfur said. "Make out."

"What?" Lionblaze demanded. "Hell to the no! He's my brother!"

"Just do what they say! They're crazy!" Jayfeather started making out with Lionblaze and it seemed strangely convincing.

"S-Sparkleflower?" Spottedpaw called in a scared voice.

Sparkleflower was drooling at the sight, then shook her head. "Oh! Right!" She poofed them back to ThunderClan. "Sorry these are going by kinda fast but we've got quite some dares! Next!" Graystripe and Stormfur are poofed to the studio. "I wouldn't allow this if it wouldn't give me a better chance of getting my darling Gray-Gray..." She whispered into Graystripe's ear.

"Where'd that even COME from?" Graystripe asked incredulously.

"Do it or we'll set Spottedfire on you both," Tigerstripe said.

"Fine, fine..." Graystripe sighed. "Stormfur, Feathertail was as ugly as you guys' mother was and you are no longer my son because you are the product of Silverstream."

"What?" Stormfur was startled. "But-but dad..." He started crying and ran back to the mountains. Spottedpaw poofed Graystripe back to ThunderClan.

Angelfur rolled on the floor laughing. "That's frikkin' priceless!"

"Next!" Sparkleflower poofed up Leafpool and Nightcloud then whispered to Leafpool. "You must go into the torture room with Nightcloud and admit your love of Crowfeather!"

"Oh damn..." Leafpool walked in the torture room with Nightcloud.

Nightcloud walked out of the room quietly moments later and returned to WindClan leaving a mangled mass of former medicine cat behind.

Sparkleflower healed Leafpool and sent her back to ThunderClan. "That was insane! I think that's all the dares. Thank you for joining us! See you next time on..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!" the hosts finished in unison..

It's finished! Thank you for the reviews! Review some more and request dares in PMs! ^^


	4. Jayfeather is so bullied

**Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors or the cats dared/tortured, but the hosts and security are mine.**

**Hosts:**

**Sparkleflower** - Sanity level -115. Is obsessed with Graystripe. Most insane, dangerous, and smart host. Owns a purple sparkly taser (pink is too manly!) named Electrovi, is her best friend. Hates Millie and constantly tortures her.

**Tigerstripe** - Sanity level 70 when grumpy (so just about always) but when happy it lowers. Doesn't care about most the cats, but enjoys watching Sparkleflower taser them. Has "muscle spasms" while holding a knife that makes him stab "on accident".

**Angelfur** - Sanity level -80. Hates Blackfoot. Obsessed with Brackenfur. Cousins with Sparkleflower. Owns a random ball with retractable poison spikes.

**Spottedpaw** – Apprentice. Sanity level 0. Loves Hollyleaf (o.e). Enjoys watching Tigerstripe get annoyed. Uses a slingshot with sharp rocks as projectiles.

**Security:**

**Willowmoon** - Sanity level 45. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower.

**Mudface** - Sanity level 38. Uses a grenade launcher. If annoyed, cats will go flying.

**Greykit** - Sanity level -95. Sparkleflower's kit. Named after Graystripe, replacing the 'a' with an 'e'. Uses all assassin items.

**Hawkpath** - Sanity level 97. Brown she-cat with black paws, tail tip, and ears. When made mad her eyes will turn ice blue and she WILL use her incredibly sharp claws

**Spottedfire** - Sanity level 103. Has a bracelet that lets her turn into stuff like dragons and tigers (her favorite transformations) Dark tortoiseshell she-cat with orange splotches and emerald green eyes. Has 3 kits (Eaglekit, Mosskit, Honeykit)Likes to fight with Lionblaze. Mate is Lightningstrike (White tom with golden streaks and pale green eyes) who makes random appearances on the show with various weapons.

**Sunblaze** – Sanity level 112. Bright Ginger she-cat with amber eyes. Smart, sarcastic, sometimes violent. She can control the elements of nature (water, wind, fire, and air).

(**I'm sorry, you didn't specify a position!) Other- Leafwing – **Weapon is a big stick with poisonous thorns on it that can make you fall asleep and have 100 nightmares.

* * *

"Welcome to..." Sparkleflower began.

"The Warriors Torture show!" The other hosts chimed.

"We have yet another security cat, Sunblaze!" Angelfur announced. Sunblaze waved enthusiastically.

Tigerstripe was silently staring, wide-eyed, at a list. "Look at this..."

"What?" Spottedpaw walked over. "Oh, the dare list... Damn..."

Sparkleflower tasered him. "No foul language from you, apprentice."

Angelfur giggled. "Look at his fur..." Spottedpaw's fur was black and singed, sizzling with electricity.

"Priceless. First dare..." Sparkleflower poofed Jayfeather and Tigerstar to the studio.

"Nuuuu!" Jayfeather screeched. "Not again! SAVE MEEEEE!"

"Not this place again!" Tigerstar groaned.

"You two have to go on a date," Sparkleflower told them.

"WHAT?" Jayfeather stared at her in disbelief. "This cat wants to kill me and Lionblaze!"

"With the blind lump?" Tigerstar demanded. "No way!"

"You have to anyways." Sparkleflower poofed them to a candlelit table at a restaurant. "While that's happening..." She poofed Lionblaze to the studio.

"Oh gawd! What now?" Lionblaze was terrified.

"How would you like to feel like you got struck by love?" Sparkleflower offered. "Either that or make out with your Clan leader.

"Um..." Lionblaze meowed uncertainly. "The first option..." Sparkleflower stuck his paws in an electrical socket.

"A-A-A-A-A-A-A-H-H-H W-W-W-H-H-H-E-E-E-E-N-N-N I-I-I C-C-C-C-A-A-A-A-N-N-N T-T-A-A-A-A-A-L-L-L-K-K Y-Y-Y-Y-O-O-O-U-U-U G-G-G-U-U-U-Y-Y-Y-S-S-S-S A-A-A-A-R-R-R-E-E-E S-S-S-S-O-O-O D-D-D-D-E-E-E-A-A-A-A-D-D!" Lionblaze was barely understandable.

"Did I say love?" Sparkleflower asked. "I'm sorry, I meant lightning. My bad, I hiccuped." She poofed Lionblaze back to ThunderClan.

"Wonder how the date's going?" Angelfur said. She poofed Jayfeather and Tigerstar back and they were glaring at each other, hackles raised. She poofed Tigerstar back to the Dark Forest.

"Jayfeather, you have to be dunked in that vat of paint over there," Tigerstripe said.

"Wait, what?" Jayfeather got shoved in and came out pink.

Spottedpaw tied a bow on him. "There! You look beautiful, dear, beautiful!"

"Shut up." Jayfeather growled. He was poofed back to ThunderClan to startled clanmates.

"Now..." Sparkleflower poofed Berrynose, Honeyfern, and Poppyfrost to the studio.

"Honeyfern!" Berrynose and Poppyfrost exclaimed.

"What's going on?" Honeyfern demanded.

"Berrynose, are you happy to see your old mate?" Sparkleflower questioned.

"Yes, of course!" Berrynose declared.

"But you love Poppyfrost," Sparkleflower stated.

Poppyfrost glared at him.

"Of course I do, she's had my kits, for StarClan's sake!" Berrynose clarified.

"If you had to choose one, who would it be?" Sparkleflower asked. "Only _one_!"

"Umm..." Berrynose looked from Honeyfern to Poppyfrost and back, then went over to his old mate. "Honeyfern."

"WHAT?" Poppyfrost screeched.

"In your face." Honeyfern purred. Poppyfrost ripped them to shreds and went home.

"Wow..." Sparkleflower brought Honeyfern and Berrynose back to life and sent them home. "Well I think that's all. Reviews are welcomed. See you next time on..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other hosts finished.

* * *

Don't forget to PM your dares! Please review!


	5. Firestar's Torture

**Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors or the cats dared/tortured, but the hosts and security are mine.**

**Hosts:**

**Sparkleflower** - Sanity level -115. Is obsessed with Graystripe. Most insane, dangerous, and smart host. Owns a purple sparkly taser (pink is too manly!) named Electrovi, is her best friend. Hates Millie and constantly tortures her.

**Tigerstripe** - Sanity level 70 when grumpy (so just about always) but when happy it lowers. Doesn't care about most the cats, but enjoys watching Sparkleflower taser them. Has "muscle spasms" while holding a knife that makes him stab "on accident".

**Angelfur** - Sanity level -80. Hates Blackstar. Obsessed with Brackenfur. Cousins with Sparkleflower. Owns a random ball with retractable poison spikes.

**Spottedpaw** – Apprentice. Sanity level 0. Loves Hollyleaf (o.e). Enjoys watching Tigerstripe get annoyed. Uses a slingshot with sharp rocks as projectiles.

**Security:**

**Willowmoon** - Sanity level 45. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower.

**Mudface** - Sanity level 38. Uses a grenade launcher. If annoyed, cats will go flying.

**Greykit** - Sanity level -95. Sparkleflower's kit. Named after Graystripe, replacing the 'a' with an 'e'. Uses all assassin items.

**Hawkpath** - Sanity level 97. Brown she-cat with black paws, tail tip, and ears. When made mad her eyes will turn ice blue and she WILL use her incredibly sharp claws

**Spottedfire** - Sanity level 103. Has a bracelet that lets her turn into stuff like dragons and tigers (her favorite transformations) Dark tortoiseshell she-cat with orange splotches and emerald green eyes. Has 3 kits (Eaglekit, Mosskit, Honeykit)Likes to fight with Lionblaze. Mate is Lightningstrike (White tom with golden streaks and pale green eyes) who makes random appearances on the show with various weapons.

**Sunblaze** – Sanity level 112. Bright Ginger she-cat with amber eyes. Smart, sarcastic, sometimes violent. She can control the elements of nature (water, wind, fire, and air).

**Leafwing – **Weapon is a big stick with poisonous thorns on it that can make you fall asleep and have 100 nightmares.

* * *

"Hi! Welcome to..." Sparkleflower began in her usual greeting.

"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other hosts chimed.

"FIRST OFF!" Sparkleflower shouted. "A special visit from the creator."

Sailormoon1032 walked in. "Hello viewers! I hope you like my fanfiction. I have quite the fun time writing it! Don't hurt me if I took too long to update!" She threw her hands up as a shield. "A lot of random shit's been going on at my house lately, but right now I'm sick so I get to stay home all day and tap away on my laptop! BE HAPPY, DAMN YOU!" Her face was livid. "Anyways, I really want to say something. Sorry if I hurt your feelings, Hawkpath!"

"What? You didn't do anything..." the mentioned cat said confusedly.

"No, no, no, honey, I mean the anonymous reader who made you," Sailormoon1032 replied.

"Oh. Right." Hawkpath licked her chest fur. "I knew that."

"Well, anyways, Hawkpath-the-anonymous-viewer, I apparently cannot TELL you that you can dare in your reviews. See if you can find the loophole there! I did. That's to any other anonymous viewers out there too! Hope that clears things up. That's all I have to say! Buh-bye! Oh, and Sparkleflower, I got a hate PM on this fanfic saying that it is horrible for you guys to torture Greykit and that this fanfic is awful. Let's piss them off and torture him some more. HATERS GONNA HATE, BUT HATE ON ME ANYMORE AND I WILL SICK SPARKLEFLOWER, HAWKPATH, SPOTTEDFIRE, AND SUNBLAZE ON YOU! That is all." Sailormoon1032 disappeared.

"... that was a rather interesting visit..." Tigerstripe muttered.

"WILL DO!" Sparkleflower called after her. "More Greykit torture! Yippee!"

"You are so fucked up in so many ways!" Angelfur exclaimed.

"It's insane!" Spottedpaw agreed.

"Whatever. Oh, look who it is!" Sparkleflower pointed to a white tom with golden streaks who had just appeared with a bazooka.

"Hello! This is Nacho." Lightningstrike pointed to his bazooka. "Where is Spottedfire?"

"Here!" Spottedfire walked in and touched noses with her mate while Spottedpaw made gagging noises in the background. "Come on in! This is the studio I've told you so much about. Here's the hosts! Sparkleflower-"

"Welcome! Don't upset me or Electrovi!" Sparkleflower held up her sparkly purple taser.

"-Tigerstripe-"

"Hey," he grumbled.

"Ignore him," Spottedfire said. "He's only happy when there's mass bloodshed. Here's Spottedpaw-"

"Hiya!" he greeted.

"-Angelfur-"

"Hello!" Angelfur said.

"And that's all the hosts!" Spottedfire finished.

"This is all the cats?" Lightningstrike asked.

"Oh, no, no, no! Meet the security!" At that precise moment all seven security cats appeared.

"Hi!" Greykit squeaked. He was tasered by Sparkleflower.

"Here's Mudface..."

"Nice to meet you." Mudface sat down and washed his face.

"-Willowmoon-"

Willowmoon sharpened a needle. "Watch yourself carefully around here... it isn't very safe."

"Riiight..." Lightningstrike rolled his eyes. "I'm not scared of any of you."

Tigerstripe chose this moment to have a muscle spasm right next to Lightningstrike while holding his knife.

"Owww!" Lightningstrike whined.

"-Hawkpath-" Spottedfire didn't seem to notice that her mate had just been stabbed.

Hawkpath acknowledged them with a nod and flex of her claws.

"-then, of course, there's me-" She smiled, but it looked more like an evil smirk. Lightningstrike stared, slightly scared.

"-Sunblaze-"

"Stay away! I want to concentrate." The ginger she-cat was roasting a marshmallow with her fire magic. "I want this burnt all the way around in an even layer of PERFECTED YUMMINESS!"

"-and last but not least, Leafwing!"

"Hi!" Leafwing swung her stick around in greeting, which hit Greykit full in the face.

"Heheheh..." Greykit giggled feebly. "I don't feel so-" He threw up and fell into his vomit, immediately falling into a long nightmare-filled sleep.

"Oh, bravo, Leafwing, BRAVO!" Sparkleflower called. "That was wondiferous!"

"Wondiferous?" Leafwing asked.

"It's my new word," Sparkleflower explained.

"Shouldn't we start on the dares already?" Spottedpaw asked.

"One more announcement, then we can continue," Sparkleflower assured him. "I promise it's not as long as the others."

"Good, sheesh," Tigerstripe muttered.

"We've already taken up almost 3 pages in LibreOffice!" Angelfur pointed out.

"Sssh! Can I goddamn SPEAK?" Sparkleflower screeched. "As I was saying, we have one more announcement. The author of this fanfic has recently run into a problem. She has found that there are too many security, so she assigned them each to a specific host. All security, please step forward."

Willowmoon, Mudface, Greykit, Hawkpath, Spottedfire, Sunblaze, and Leafwing approached the hosts, unsure of if they would like the new arrangements or not.

"First..." Sparkleflower looked at all of them. "Only one of you will be allowed to be security for Tigerstripe. This cat is... Mudface!"

All the hosts and security clapped politely for Mudface, but the said cat was horrified. He nodded briefly and cautiously stood next to his assigned host.

"For Angelfur... Greykit and Sunblaze!"

Sunblaze dipped her head to Angelfur and dragged the squealing sleeping kit over to their assigned host.

"For Spottedpaw... Willowmoon and Leafwing!"

Both she-cats nodded and sat by the apprentice.

"And that leaves Hawkpath and Spottedfire for me!" Sparkleflower finished. "The creator said that Hawkpath was her favorite cat that she didn't create so she chose you for me."

"I SAID NO SUCH THING!" Sailormoon1032 screeched. "It is a close tie is what I said, but if I did have to choose one of them then Hawkpath would be it. The rest of your cats are all wondiferous though! Don't hate me!" She used her hands to shield herself again before disappearing.

"She totally said Hawkpath was the best," Sparkleflower insisted.

"Naw, I'm not..." Hawkpath gave her chest fur a couple of embarrassed licks.

"ONTO THE DARES ALREADY!" Spottedpaw shrieked.

"Hear, hear!" Angelfur shouted.

"Right... First up!" Sparkleflower read the list and poofed Firestar, Sandstorm, and Spottedleaf to the studio.

"God DAMNIT!" Firestar yowled. Sandstorm hissed at Spottedleaf, who chose that moment to touch her muzzle to Firestar's cheek. Firestar jumped back from both she-cats.

"Firestar." Tigerstripe walked forward. "Welcome back. I'm sure you remember this place?"

"It's Hell!" the ginger tom wailed.

"I wish," Tigerstripe said,

"Ready for the dare?" Sparkleflower asked. Firestar shrank away fearfully. "Who do you love more: Spottedleaf or Sandstorm?"

"Ummm... I..." Firestar looked at both she-cats, who were glaring. "I... I love Brightheart."

"BRIGHTHEART?" Every cat in the room was shocked except for the sleeping Greykit.

"She's your niece-in-law!" Sandstorm shrieked.

"Against the warrior code!" Spottedleaf growled.

"How the hell is it against the warrior code?" Firestar demanded.

"Because I said so!" Spottedleaf snapped, then lunged for Firestar, Sandstorm right behind. The clawed at his ears, eyes, flank, and tail. Spottedfire and Hawkpath pulled them apart on Sparkleflower's orders. They were poofed away and Sparkleflower healed Firestar before sending him to ThunderClan with Sandstorm.

"Next?" Tigerstripe asked disappointedly.

Spottedpaw poofed Graystripe, Millie, Silverstream, Feathertail, Stormfur, Briarlight, Blossomfall, and Bumblestripe to the studio. Graystripe and Millie screamed, Stormfur started crying, Bumblestripe cowered behind Briarlight, and Briarlight, Blossomfall, and Feathertail were confused. Sparkleflower lunged for Millie, claws outstretched, but was met by Willowmoon, Leafwing, Mudface, and Sunblaze. She skidded to a halt and stared at the menacing security.

"Sparkleflower, we cannot allow you to interfere with this," Leafwing said apologetically.

"Can't you?" Sparkleflower asked mischievously. "Hawkpath! Spottedfire! Clear my way!"

The two security cats obeyed. Seconds later, the four obstacles were out cold and Sparkleflower was grinning. Tigerstripe grabbed her and threw her in a Sparkleflower-proof-room. She banged against the locked door.

"Graystripe!" Angelfur said. "Who do you love more, Silverstream or Millie?"

"Silverstream," he answered immediately.

"Okay then!" Spottedpaw sent Millie to a faraway wasteland.

"Which litter of kits do you like better?" Angelfur asked.

"Err... Neither full litter," the gray tom said. "I like Stormfur and Briarlight. The others can go eat mouse dung."

"But... but Dad..." Bumblestripe whimpered.

"I can't believe you!" Feathertail screeched, soothing a crying Blossomfall.

"That does it!" Spottedpaw sent the unwanted kits to the wasteland as well. "Now you have to go face them, Graystripe, then you can live with your new modified family."

"A-Alright..." Graystripe's screams could be heard everywhere as he encountered the cats in the wasteland. He was healed and poofed back to ThunderClan, then they moved to RiverClan.

"DAMN YOU!" Sparkleflower screamed as Angelfur let her out of the special room. "Okay, Sparkleflower, calm down, you still have a show to do! Next... Oh, I wanna save this one for last! Next..." She flipped through the dares. "Here we go!" She poofed Jayfeather to the studio.

"WHY THE FUCK IS IT ALWAYS ME?" the medicine cat yowled. "WHY? DON'T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE, STARCLAN?"

"We keep telling you that stuff isn't real," Spottedpaw told him. "Especially not here."

"What do you want?" Jayfeather asked weakly.

"Me or Sunblaze?" Sparkleflower asked.

"Neither," Jayfeather replied firmly.

"I guess that means both!" Sparkleflower squeaked. "Let's go, Sunblaze!"

Angelfur locked the three cats in a room. 2 seconds later Sunblaze and Sparkleflower walked out carrying an unconscious Jayfeather. He was poofed back to ThunderClan.

"Next!" Sparkleflower poofed Lionblaze and Dovewing to the studio. "Make out!"

"What? But we're related!" Lionblaze growled.

"He was my mentor!" Dovewing meowed at the same time.

"That doesn't mean anything here! You ever notice how everyone beats up Greykit, including me?" Sparkleflower scoffed. "Do it!"

"These cats can be insane.." Dovewing murmured. "Lionblaze... let's just do it..." She kissed Lionblaze. He blinked.

"Holy shit, Dovewing! I know we're related and all, but.. you're a really good kisser..." Lionblaze was shocked. The hosts gasped and Tigerstripe had a heart attack. Spottedpaw puked. The two cats ran off away from the clans and the studio to be together forever.

"That was... unexpected..." Angelfur meowed softly.

"The... fuck... was... that?" Spottedpaw asked weakly.

"..next...?" Sparkleflower said uncertainly. The studio was silent. "Here we go..." Jayfeather was poofed to the studio again.

"What now?" he hissed. "Why am I tortured the most?"

"It pleases the fans." Spottedpaw waved a paw.

"Do you want to make out with Bluestar or Firestar?" Sparkleflower asked.

"Bluestar.. at least she's female..." Jayfeather muttered.

Bluestar was poofed to the studio. Jayfeather immediately grabbed her and kissed her. She was shocked but kissed back confusedly, and they made out for about 10 minutes before Sparkleflower poofed them in the middle of a Gathering. All the cats gasped and attacked them for breaking the warrior code.

"Nice." Spottedpaw poofed Jayfeather back to the studio. "You still have another dare to do."

"WHY DOES THIS WORLD HATE ME SO?" Jayfeather screamed.

"This one isn't as bad as having to make out with former Clan leader or getting murdered by me and Sunblaze," Sparkleflower said convincingly.

"How is something so decent even possible here?" Jayfeather muttered.

"It's not." Spottedpaw snickered.

Firestar was poofed to the studio. "You two have to switch roles. Firestar, you have to be the medicine cat, Fireheart. Jayfeather, you have to be Clan leader, Jaystar, and you must sleep with Sandstorm."

"Not my mate!" Fireheart exclaimed.

"But my precious herbs!" Jayfeather said at the same time. "And Rock!"

"Deal with it." Sparkleflower poofed them to camp.

In ThunderClan camp, a battle with RiverClan had just finished. ThunderClan won, but many cats were injured. Fireheart sat in his den, staring blankly at the herbs while Brambleclaw bled to death.

"Leeeeaaaafpooooooool!" he yowled. The former medicine cat came in and tried to explain the herb uses. Firestar screamed in stress. "I am so CONFUSED!"

"Jaystar! Jaystar! Who will organize patrols now that Brambleclaw is severely injured?" Foxleap asked.

"Whaa?" Jaystar was confused.

"BRAMBLECLAW IS DEAD!" Squirrelflight screamed from inside the medicine den. Her sobbing could be heard all around camp. "First Hollyleaf, then Lionblaze, and now Brambleclaw! Why has StarClan taken so much away from me?"

"Who will be deputy now?" Whitewing wailed. "Brambleclaw was chosen by StarClan! How can we choose another cat to do as well as him?"

"Ummm... err..." Jaystar stared at the cats gathered below him. "Berry- no, not him- Ice- no, she won't do- Brackenfur?"

"Yes, Jaystar?" Brackenfur asked.

"May all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather underneath Highrock for a Clan meeting!" Jayfeather called. Cats curiously gathered around. "Brackenfur, step forward." As the tom did so, Jaystar looked up at the sky, hoping he was doing the right thing. "I say these words before StarClan so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors may hear and approve of my choice. The new deputy of ThunderClan is Brackenfur."

"Jaystar, I am honored." Brackenfur dipped his head, then looked up with an evil glint in his eyes. "ThunderClan is MINE to rule!" He laughed maniacally, killing Jayfeather and leaping on top of his dead body. "You all must bow down to me! BOW DAMN IT!"

"This took a strange twist," Tigerstripe said oddly. "Hm."

"Next dare!" She poofed the Clan back to normal and Firestar to the studio. "Go..." She whispered in the leader's ear.

"Oh god..." Firestar was poofed to Highrock. "All cats old enough to catch their own prey gather under Highrock for a clan meeting!" All the Clan cats gathered around, murmuring confusedly. "I have something to say that I should've mentioned a long time ago... I love Tigerstar."

Every cat gasped. Then, as one, they lunged for him. Suddenly he was poofed back to the studio to see every host and security cat, including Greykit, who had finally woken up, and Spottedfire's whole family. They advanced on Firestar.

"W-What are you doing?" he demanded shakily.

"Another dare," Sparkleflower said sweetly, flicking Electrovi on and off. "We were supposed to do one or the other... but torture is what we do. We are cats of TortureClan, after all, and we need to hear horrifying cries of pain, for they are music to our ears!"

"That, and torturing you is such a fun sport," Tigerstripe put in.

"Indeed it is," Spottedpaw and Angelfur agreed in unison.

"You cannot forget us security, either," Willowmoon added.

"We are built for the life of violence!" Spottedfire told the leader.

"You can never stop our insane needs," Hawkpath said.

"But don't worry, _kittypet_," Sunblaze assured him, "this shall keep us from torturing you for a while... at least an episode!"

"So why don't you just let us do our thing and scream to your heart's content?" Leafwing murmured.

"Please! No! I'll do anything! Don't- OUCH!" Firestar screamed as Hawkpath clawed the fur off of his tail.

"Such a wonderful scratching post," she purred.

Tigerstripe giggled feverishly as he cut one of Firestar's ears off. "Ahh, I love the smell of fresh blood in the morning!" he sang.

"IT'S SUNSET!" Firestar shrieked.

"Is it?" Angelfur asked the leader sweetly as she stuck her poison spike ball into his side. "Tigerstripe isn't very fond of keeping track of time. It pisses him off."

"Yes, and seeing him mad isn't very fun," Spottedpaw said, aiming his slingshot and shooting Firestar's eye out.

"Oh, god, the PAIN!" Firestar yowled.

"'We've found a witch!'" Sunblaze quoted. "'May we burn her?'"

"Yes, please do!" Spottedfire giggled girlishly. "Roast 'em like a marshmallow!"

"Right!" In a flash of fire, the clan leader was singed.

"EXPLOSION!" Mudface screamed, setting off a grenade that could only affect Firestar.

Lightningstrike was carving designs into the leader's flank. "I never knew this could be so much fun! Right, kits?"

"Exactly!" Mosskit, Eaglekit, and Honeykit cried in unison as they happily ripped out Firestar's claws one by one.

Greykit stabbed Firestar right in the forehead with his hidden assassin blade. "Ahh, his cries of pain are so motivating!"

"Let's go, Electrovi!" Sparkleflower squealed, tasering the leader in several spots.

Willowmoon stabbed him in the neck with a syringe needle. "He'll never escape us, not even in his **dreams...** isn't that right, Leafwing?"

"You are correct!" Leafwing stabbed her stick into Firestar's back. He screamed in his sleep as he was given terrifying nightmares.

"That was fun, was it not?" Sparkleflower asked ten minutes later. She was munching on a barbecue-flavored rib that Willowmoon had cooked up. Everybody had food. "Ah, Willowmoon, you are such an amazing cook!"

"Aww, thank you!" Willowmoon smiled.

"It's the truth," Spottedfire said, chewing on a bone and picking it clean.

"Really, I've never had anything this good in my life," Hawkpath admitted. "What's your secret?"

"Oh, it's nothing, really!" Willowmoon said. "But you want to know the main ingredient?"

"Sure, what?" the four kits in the room asked.

"Firestar."

There was silence.

"Cool." Sunblaze shrugged and they all kept eating.

"He tastes strangely delicious for such a pansy," Tigerstripe commented.

"Eh, well, I mixed a couple other things in with it..." Willowmoon grinned.

"Like what?" Angelfur asked.

"A bit of Spottedleaf's blood as well as Berrynose's tail, which I found the other day, Jayfeather's ear... the list goes on forever."

"Nicely done," Spottedpaw complimented.

"Wait, isn't there another dare?" Lightningstrike asked.

"Just one more," Mudface said.

"What is it?" Leafwing asked.

"Well, write down the name of a cat you hate on a piece of paper," Sparkleflower said. She passed around scraps of paper. "Nobody gets to see anyone else's decision." All the cats got to writing.

Dear special readers!

I have a present for you! You get to see what each cat wrote!

Sparkleflower: _**Millie**_ (saw that one coming)

Tigerstripe: _**Spottedpaw**_ (they go a loooooong way back o^o)

Spottedpaw: _**Tigerstripe**_ (again; a long way back)

Angelfur: _**Blackstar**_

Willowmoon: _**A police officer**_ (God dammit Willowmoon you can't say that!)

Mudface: _**My mother**_ (the fuck?)

Greykit: _**Graystripe**_ (Graystripe is where the mean behavior towards Greykit can be traced to e^e)

Hawkpath: _**Firestar**_

Spottedfire: _**Lionblaze**_

Sunblaze: _**e.e Nobody?**_

Leafwing: _**Hmmm... how about Brackenfur?**_

* * *

"The votes are in!" Sparkleflower announced. She put all the names in a hat, then looked up at the ceiling and drew one. "You must test your powers out... on..." She stared at the paper. "Mudface's... mother...?" She looked at Mudface. "...the fuck are you snorting?"

"Dude, she's a bitch!" Mudface insisted.

"Whatever..." Spottedfire said. "That's who you drew, so..." Mudface's mother was poofed to the studio.

"What the hell?" the old she-cat meowed. "Where am I?" Before she got an answer, Spottedfire transformed into a tiger and ate her. She sat there for a moment, licking her jowls, then transformed back to a cat.

"THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!" Mudface shouted, hugging Spottedfire and getting slapped in response.

"Well, that's all for now! See you next time on..." Sparkleflower began.

"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other cats finished, except for Mudface who was being strangled.

**Finally got it out! Sorry it took so long T^T I am going to keep my word and will not accept any Firestar tortures for next episode. And I'm also changing the rating to T for the language and the lil' scene earlier... well R&R! Enjoy! :D**


	6. No Firestar this episode!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors or the cats dared/tortured, but the hosts and security are mine.**

**Hosts:**

**Sparkleflower** - Sanity level -115. Is obsessed with Graystripe. Most insane, dangerous, and smart host. Owns a purple sparkly taser (pink is too manly!) named Electrovi, is her best friend. Hates Millie and constantly tortures her.

**Tigerstripe** - Sanity level 70 when grumpy (so just about always) but when happy it lowers. Doesn't care about most the cats, but enjoys watching Sparkleflower taser them. Has "muscle spasms" while holding a knife that makes him stab "on accident".

**Angelfur** - Sanity level -80. Hates Blackstar. Obsessed with Brackenfur. Cousins with Sparkleflower. Owns a random ball with retractable poison spikes.

**Spottedpaw** – Apprentice. Sanity level 0. Loves Hollyleaf (o.e). Enjoys watching Tigerstripe get annoyed. Uses a slingshot with sharp rocks as projectiles.

**Security:**

**Willowmoon** - Sanity level 45. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower.

**Mudface** - Sanity level 38. Uses a grenade launcher. If annoyed, cats will go flying.

**Greykit** - Sanity level -95. Sparkleflower's kit. Named after Graystripe, replacing the 'a' with an 'e'. Uses all assassin items.

**Hawkpath** - Sanity level 97. Brown she-cat with black paws, tail tip, and ears. When made mad her eyes will turn ice blue and she WILL use her incredibly sharp claws

**Spottedfire** - Sanity level 103. Has a bracelet that lets her turn into stuff like dragons and tigers (her favorite transformations) Dark tortoiseshell she-cat with orange splotches and emerald green eyes. Has 3 kits (Eaglekit, Mosskit, Honeykit)Likes to fight with Lionblaze. Mate is Lightningstrike (White tom with golden streaks and pale green eyes) who makes random appearances on the show with various weapons.

**Sunblaze** – Sanity level 112. Bright Ginger she-cat with amber eyes. Smart, sarcastic, sometimes violent. She can control the elements of nature (water, wind, fire, and air).

**Leafwing – **Weapon is a big stick with poisonous thorns on it that can make you fall asleep and have 100 nightmares.

* * *

"Hi!" Sparkleflower said. "Welcome to..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other hosts yelled.

"Right." Sparkleflower looked at the reviews on Willowmoon's laptop. "So... there's something the creator wants to say in a reply to at least one of the reviews... let's see..." She flicked through the different reviews. "Ah, here we go. This is from Hawkpath-the-anonymous-viewer. You said:

Hawkpath:Thanks for choosing my character to be your security! It's such an  
honor!"

Sparkleflower looked at the fourth wall. "Yeah." She seemed to be speaking to someone. "Uh-huh. Right." She looked back at her laptop. "Sailormoon1032 says that you're very welcome and she just thinks that Hawkpath is awesome. Now, let's see... something else... Ah. Sunblaze-the-anonymous-viewer says:

Sunblaze:Cool beans...I LIKE MARSHMALLOWS! How did you know! :,D

To which Sailormoon1032 replied, 'I just thought Sunblaze roasting a marshmallow with her fire element would be awesome. :P'" Sparkleflower quoted. "And that's all. So on with the dares!"

"Okay then." Tigerstripe looked at the list and his eyes widened on one.

"What?" Spottedpaw asked.

"N-Nothing. We've got one from-"

Angelfur snatched the paper away and read it. She snorted and gave it to Sparkleflower. Sparkleflower read it and both she-cats burst out laughing.

"This is first!" Sparkleflower announced. She poofed Leafpool to the studio. Leafpool gasped.

"EEEEEEWMAHGAAAAWD!" the former medicine cat squealed. "TIIIIGERSTRIIIIIIPE!"

"What?" Tigerstripe jumped away and had Mudface hold her back. "I thought you hated us for what happened last time!"

"Oh, no," Leafpool replied happily. "I watch you all the time and you're absolutely dreamy!"

"This will make the dare a whole lot easier," Sparkleflower said. "Leafpool, you get to make out w-"

"!" Leafpool screamed. "TIGGY!" She glomped him. Tigerstripe yowled furiously and struggled from her grip. Sparkleflower sighed.

"I never imagined I'd have to use the torture button from Episode One on _Tigerstripe,_ of all cats." Sparkleflower sighed again and whipped it out. She pressed the big red button.

Tigerstripe froze. His eyes took on a weird look. He stared at Leafpool for a moment, then kissed her. Leafpool squeaked with excitement. As they made out, Angelfur snickered.

"Be careful, there!" she called. "We don't need four more little kittens bounding in around this studio!"

"Hey!" Greykit, Honeykit, Mosskit, and Eaglekit cried out indignantly.

"You guys are bad enough." Spottedpaw rolled his eyes.

Sparkleflower pressed the button again. Tigerstripe jumped away from Leafpool, who had a dazed look in her eyes. Leafpool was poofed back to ThunderClan and Tigerstripe was choking.

"You did that to your own damn Clanmate?" Tigerstripe demanded. "That's against the warrior code!"

"Since when have you ever cared about the warrior code?" Angelfur asked.

"You're just pissed off," Sparkleflower agreed.

"Shut the fuck up," Tigerstripe hissed.

"Ooh, podymouth!" Spottedpaw giggled.

Tigerstripe stabbed him. "Moving on..."

"'Kay then..." Sparkleflower scanned the list. "Here we go. No, wait. Let's not do this Blackstar one yet. The police are onto us. It would be too obvious. WILLOWMOON!"

Spottedpaw's security appeared. "Yes?"

"How close are you to hacking into the system?" Sparkleflower asked.

Willowmoon shook her head. "The security is way too tough. It'll take some episodes before I can erase the file."

"Right." Sparkleflower nodded. "Keep trying. You're dismissed." Willowmoon dipped her head and hurried out of the room.

"So, next?" Angelfur asked, poofing Spottedpaw to perfect health. The small apprentice fluffed out his fur.

"Next..." Sparkleflower paused. "Here. Willowmoon!"

"What?" the security mewed.

"Listen..." Sparkleflower whispered in her ear.

"THE HELL?" Willowmoon screeched. "I'm not doing that!"

"You have to," Sparkleflower told her.

"Fine," the security said through gritted teeth. "GREYKIT!"

"W-What?" Greykit asked fearfully.

Willowmoon patted him on the head. Greykit looked up at her in surprise. "Cute kitty!" she mewed.

"I-tch-cannot-tch-believe it!" Angelfur said, suppressing laughter.

"Whaa?" Greykit couldn't believe it when Willowmoon did it again. "Are you okay?"

"Absolutely fantastic!" Willowmoon told him cheerfully.

"We'll do something else while that-"

"Cute kitty! Cute kitty!" Willowmoon cut Sparkleflower off.

"-happens," Sparkleflower finished. She poofed Jayfeather to the studio and gave him an electric guitar. "Break a leg!" she encouraged.

Jayfeather looked uncertain. "No-no electrocution- spontaneous combustion- SOMETHING?"

"Nope. Just the hope that you'll somehow break a leg."

"Um... okay..." Jayfeather attempted to play a note, but it was so horrible that it turned him deaf. He tried a few others, but then was poofed back to ThunderClan in fear of making the studio cats' ears bleed.

"Cute kitty!" Willowmoon said.

"Here's one," Sparkleflower read over her. "I want to go to the victim this time. Want to come with?" she asked around the studio. Nobody but Hawkpath and Spottedfire would. They poofed to ThunderClan Territory, right behind Lionblaze.

"Liiiionblaaaaaze..." Sparkleflower cooed. "Come, we have gathered all the prey you could wish for. Follow us." The three studio cats padded away. Lionblaze stared after them, then followed. The cats arrived at the Thunderpath. A huge pile of fresh-kill was right in the middle. Lionblaze bounded over without a second thought, and was immediately hit by a trail of seven monsters. He got up slowly.

"It's okay!" he called to the studio cats. "I'm perfectly okay, not a single-" he was cut off as another group of monsters came whizzing past.

"I don't think even Greykit is that retarded," Hawkpath commented, staring at the dead warrior.

"Speaking of..." Spottedfire turned to the other two. "Wonder how annoyed he is right now?"

"We'll see in a moment." Sparkleflower poofed Lionblaze back to like and to the studio.

"CUTE KITTY!" Willowmoon shrieked. She was chasing Greykit all over the place.

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, YOU FLEA-RIDDEN, DELLUSIONAL MANGE-PELT!" Greykit yowled. "STAY BACK! _**BEGONE!**_"

'Begone?' Spottedfire mouthed.

'Is he trying to be an exorcist?" Hawkpath demanded wordlessly.

'No goddamn clue,' Sparkleflower mouthed back. 'Let's just move on.'

Dovewing and Jayfeather were poofed to the studio. Sparkleflower faced them and managed to calm Willowmoon and Greykit. "You have to go against us," she said simply.

"The three of us.. against the 15 of you with mate and kits included?" Dovewing asked weakly.

"Yup." Without any warning, the TortureClan cats hurled themselves at the ThunderClan cats. 2 nanoseconds later, Sparkleflower had to poof the gory red paint off the walls and floor after returning Dovewing and Lionblaze to ThunderClan.

"Next!" Sparkleflower put an eye poster in front of Jayfeather. "What is this letter?" She pointed to the big E.

"Um... M?" Jayfeather said confusedly.

"Nope. This?" It was a Q.

"A."

"This." Z.

"C?"

"How about this?" G.

"78?"

"What the fuck?" Sparkleflower stared.

"I don't know!" Jayfeather said helplessly.

"Whatever. YOU HAVE -830/-830 EYESIGHT. Congratulations." The eye chart disappeared. "Now, one more thing." Jayfeather was suddenly trapped in brambles.

"What the?" Jayfeather stepped forward. "Ouch! My nose!" He jumped back. "Ow! My butt!" he whimpered. He kept hopping around in every which way. The hosts were rolling on the floor with laughter while Willowmoon chased Greykit in the background. Jayfeather was finally sent home. Greykit's run from Willowmoon was over, and he now assassinated her.

"Well, that's all the dares," Sparkleflower said. "See you next time on..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other cats finished.

* * *

Haha, I want to personally thank Hawkpath-the-anonymous-viewer for being my most favoritest viewer and who is always the first to see and review my stuff! Thanks so much. Don't forget to give me your dares and feedback! Ja ne~!


	7. Free Apprentices!

**Hosts:**

**Sparkleflower** - Sanity level -115. Is obsessed with Graystripe. Most insane, dangerous, and smart host. Owns a purple sparkly taser (pink is too manly!) named Electrovi, is her best friend. Hates Millie and constantly tortures her.

**Tigerstripe** - Sanity level 70 when grumpy (so just about always) but when happy it lowers. Doesn't care about most the cats, but enjoys watching Sparkleflower taser them. Has "muscle spasms" while holding a knife that makes him stab "on accident". Currently is very suspicious of all other cats because of his new kits, Redkit, Stripekit, Snowkit, and Moonkit.

**Angelfur** - Sanity level -80. Hates Blackstar. Obsessed with Brackenfur. Cousins with Sparkleflower. Owns a random ball with retractable poison spikes.

**Spottedpaw** – Apprentice. Sanity level 0. Loves Hollyleaf (o.e). Enjoys watching Tigerstripe get annoyed. Uses a slingshot with sharp rocks as projectiles.

**Bouldertalon – **Dark gray tom with black stripes and bright green eyes. Sanity level 54. Uses fiery thorns. Enjoys other cats' pain and suffering.

**Security:**

**Willowmoon** - Sanity level 45. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower.

**Mudface** - Sanity level 38. Uses a grenade launcher. If annoyed, cats will go flying.

**Greykit** - Sanity level -95. Sparkleflower's kit. Named after Graystripe, replacing the 'a' with an 'e'. Uses all assassin items.

**Hawkpath** - Sanity level 97. Brown she-cat with black paws, tail tip, and ears. When made mad her eyes will turn ice blue and she WILL use her incredibly sharp claws

**Spottedfire** - Sanity level 103. Has a bracelet that lets her turn into stuff like dragons and tigers (her favorite transformations) Dark tortoiseshell she-cat with orange splotches and emerald green eyes. Has 3 kits (Eaglekit, Mosskit, Honeykit)Likes to fight with Lionblaze. Mate is Lightningstrike (White tom with golden streaks and pale green eyes) who makes random appearances on the show with various weapons.

**Sunblaze** – Sanity level 112. Bright Ginger she-cat with amber eyes. Smart, sarcastic, sometimes violent. She can control the elements of nature (water, wind, fire, and air).

**Leafwing – **Weapon is a big stick with poisonous thorns on it that can make you fall asleep and have 100 nightmares.

* * *

"Hi!" Sparkleflower said. "Welcome to..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other hosts shouted.

"Tigerstripe is being scary!" Sparkleflower and Spottedfire's kits wailed.

"Come along, Redkit, you'll be fine," Tigerstripe cooed to a small bright auburn tabby kit. She squeaked slightly. He quickly turned to a pale brown tabby. "Calm down, Stripekit, and quit messing with Snowkit! Come along, Snowkit, get up and come with the other hosts. Daddy will kill them if they so much as breathe in your direction. Don't be afraid. There you are, Moonkit! Don't wander off again."

"Daddy?" Angelfur giggled. "He's really obsessed."

"What the hay?" Sparkleflower demanded (she is in love with My Little Pony the show right now). "Tigerstripe is awfully cheerful with them kits."

"What the hell is with that Applejack accent?" Spottedpaw stared.

"Fine, fine!" Sparkleflower pouted, her voice back to normal. "Let's get on with the show. As you wonderful viewers can see, last episode's... incident... left four kits in the care of Tigerstripe. He's quite attached to them- and this also leaves us in the care of what is now 5-8 kits needing mentors to become apprentices, not to mention the other thing we need to do during this episode which you'll just have to discover later."

"Yeah, there's a lot we have to do in this episode besides the dares!" Angelfur said.

"Well, Sparkleflower, tell them our special one-time offer for this episode!" Spottedpaw exclaimed.

"Right." Sparkleflower took a deep breath. "This is your chance! Do you want your cat to become a mentor? This is for all the viewers who have their cats on the show! You have your pick of Greykit, Redkit, Stripekit, Snowkit, Moonkit, Eaglekit, Mosskit, or Honeykit to be your own apprentice! This is first-come, first-serve! Now to you, Sunblaze!"

"Next announcement!" Sunblaze said. "New host, finally! I was beginning to think we'd only get new security. Anyway, this host's name is Bouldertalon. He has fiery thorns."

"Hello!" Bouldertalon waved and walked off to the hosts.

"ONTO THE DARES!" Spottedpaw announced.

"Heehee..." Angelfur was staring at Bouldertalon. "Yeah..."

"Right." Bouldertalon stared at her wearily.

"Right." Sparkleflower looked at the list and poofed Jayfeather and Brambleclaw to the studio.

"What the hell?" Brambleclaw demanded.

"That's it," Jayfeather snarled. "I'm not even surprised anymore. Do your worst!"

"Technically, it's Hawkpath-the-anonymous-viewer's worst," Bouldertalon pointed out. "It's her idea."

"What he said..." Angelfur murmured dreamily.

"What the fuck ever! What do I have to do?"

"You have make out with Brambleclaw," Sparkleflower told him in a soft, shy voice.

"Why Fluttershy?" Spottedpaw exclaimed.

"'Cause she's awesome." Sparkleflower sniffed.

"Well, quit it!"

"Anyways," Tigerstripe cut in, "You two have to make out."

"The hell?" Brambleclaw demanded again.

"Why am I so gay on this show?" Jayfeather tackled the deputy and started to make out with him.

"Wait—nnh-Jayfeather-mm-" Brambleclaw tried to speak. Sparkleflower poofed them back to ThunderClan.

"Next..." Sparkleflower looked at the list. She hissed at the next one.

Bouldertalon locked her in a room and poofed Graystripe to the studio. Graystripe looked around.

"What?" he wondered. "Wasn't I just sharing tongues with Briarlight in RiverClan?"

"How should I know?" Bouldertalon shrugged. "You have to kill one of your kits."

Graystripe sighed and thought for a moment. "... bring Blossomfall here."

"'Kay." Spottedpaw poofed Blossomfall to the studio. Graystripe looked at her, then smashed her head in the wall, breaking her skull and immediately killing her. "Can I go now?" he asked simply.

"He didn't even think twice!" Angelfur said in dismay, letting Sparkleflower out after sending Blossomfall back to ThunderClan in full health.

"You guys suck," Sparkleflower huffed in a very Rainbowdash-like way. "Whatever. Jayfeather torture will take my mind off things." She poofed Jayfeather to the studio.

"You should've just kept me here," the blind medicine cat grumbled. "What do you want?"

Sparkleflower handed him an electric guitar. "Try playing this time cause it's a magical guitar and it's really specially made and will sound great and you will be awesome and JUST PLAY IT!" she said at an incomprehensible speed.

"Pinkie Pie..." Spottedpaw facepalmed.

"Shut up, Pony, you're frightening the kits!" Tigerstripe snarled. He licked Redkit's head. "Sssh, Daddy's here," he cooed to a startled Snowkit.

"Hello?" Jayfeather had the guitar pick in his paw. "Shouldn't I be playing?" he mewed pointedly.

"Go on, then," Sparkleflower said. "Show us those absolutely _marvelous_ skills of yours."

"Shut the fuck up, Rarity!" Angelfur shrieked.

Jayfeather took a decisive strum. It was like the opening note in a rock band. He kept playing a guitar solo, and it was so epic that Chuck Norris poofed to the studio all by himself.

"Chuck fucking Norris!" Bouldertalon shouted, fainting on the spot and having two giggling she-cat hosts take pictures.

"TRAIN ME IN YOUR WAYS, O WISE ONE." Chuck Norris bowed to Jayfeather. The medicine cat stared confusedly.

"But it's not me... it's the guitar..." He watched as a wronged Chuck Norris stood and round-house kicked him in the face.

"We're glad to—" Sparkleflower as Twilightsparkle couldn't even finish her sentence when Chuck Norris disappeared. "-have... you..." She sighed in disappointment and woke Jayfeather up, then poofed Breezepelt to the studio. "You two hug and kiss."

"Another gay dare." Jayfeather heaved a sigh and hugged an uncomfortable Breezepelt, then at the attempt to kiss him he was ripped to shreds.

"And that, kits, is why you stay away from all of Crowfeather's family," Tigerstripe taught his kits, gazing at them warmly.

"Breezepelt is mean!" Redkit squeaked.

"Don't worry, Snowkit!" Stripekit growled, arching his back and letting out a hiss. "I'll protect all of you from that smelly mange-pelt!"

"I don't need protecting!" Moonkit sniffed angrily.

"Nor do I!" Snowkit agreed.

Redkit, on the other hand, pressed close to Stripekit with wide, fearful eyes. Stripekit gave her a friendly lick on the head. She gave a small irritated mew but didn't back away.

"He's turning out just like his father," Spottedpaw complimented. "Ambitious, strong, fearless... and with a weakness for weaker family," he added with a snicker.

"MOVING ON!" Sparkleflower yowled as the toms faced each other, snarling, hackles raised. She poofed Leafpool, Feathertail, Nightcloud, Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, and Crowfeather to the studio and brought Jayfeather back to life.

"Crowfeather, who do you love most out of these cats?" Bouldertalon asked.

"Feathertail and Leafpool," he said immediately.

"Shall they fight for who gets him?" Spottedpaw queried.

"Nah," Bouldertalon answered. "Both she-cats are too nonviolent."

"What he said," Angelfur quickly greed. "Too nonviolent."

"Right..." Sparkleflower's gaze swept across the ignored cats. "You may attack now."

Nightcloud, Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, Breezepelt, and Jayfeather leaped at Crowfeather. The tom screeched as claws ripped through his pelt. The cats were poofed back to where they came from, except for Lionblaze and Jayfeather.

"Go to the movies!" Bouldertalon poofed them to the Warren Theater without giving them a chance to talk. Lionblaze looked at his brother and they both shrugged. Jayfeather payed for popcorn and a soda. They watched Twilight and when it was done Jayfeather was poofed to ThunderClan and Lionblaze came back to the studio.

"Boooriiing," Spottedpaw complained. "Next..." He tossed paintbrushes to Tigerstripe's four kits. "Knock yourselves out."

The kits raced up to Lionblaze, pinning him down. Stripekit painted him completely black, then his sisters painted pretty pink flowers all over. Lionblaze staggered up, the kits jumping off and staring proudly at their masterpiece.

"Well done!" Tigerstripe congratulated them, giving them each a lick on the head. They gave mews of protest.

"The hell!" Lionblaze growled. "Now I'll just embarrass myself in front of Cinderheart!" He quickly turned to try and clean the paint off his fur, but suddenly a large black piano came crashing down on top of him with the classic sound of multiple keys being slammed.

"Oh... my... fuckin'... gawd..." Sparkleflower's eyes were brimming with tears of laughter. "Oh, I love old style humor!" She cackled while poofing Lionblaze back to life and back to ThunderClan. "One more! ALL CATS OLD ENOUGH TO POOF CATS TO THE STUDIO, GATHER BENEATH MY WORK DESK FOR AN IMPORTANT TORTURECLAN MEETING!"

Every cat that was on the show and was older than a kit (including Lightningstrike) appeared beneath Sparkleflower's desk. "I have two important things to do before we start this last dare! I have decided, as unofficially named (she's not Sparklestar :P) leader of this Clan, to appoint a deputy. Hawkpath, come forth!"

The dangerous she-cat stepped forward. "Yes?"

"I say these words before the Dark Forest so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors may hear and approve of my choice. The new deputy of TortureClan is Hawkpath."

"Thank you." Hawkpath stepped back. The other cats grumbled since they weren't chosen (there is no respect for other cats in this Clan).

"Second. Spottedpaw, step forward."

The spotted apprentice stepped forward. "What?"

"Mouse-brain," Sunblaze muttered.

"Clan, are you satisfied that this apprentice is ready to become a warrior?" Sparkleflower asked her companions. A murmur of agreement rippled through the group.

"I, Sparkleflower, leader of TortureClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways to disobey StarClan's warrior code, and I commend him to you as a warrior in turn." Sparkleflower looked at Spottedpaw. "Spottedpaw, do you promise to disobey the warrior code but protect this Clan, even at the cost of your life?

Spottedpaw lifted his chin proudly. "I do."

"Then by the powers of the Dark Forest, I give you your warrior name. Spottedpaw, from this moment forth, you will be known as Spottedpelt. TortureClan welcomes you as a full warrior. The Dark Forest could really give a shit less about your annoyingness and readiness to risk your life in being so annoying." Sparkleflower rested her muzzle on Spottedpelt's head and he licked her shoulder in return.

"Spottedpelt! Spottedpelt!" the cat's cheered for the newest warrior.

"Now! Ready for war?" Sparkleflower asked with a mischievous glint in her eye. She poofed Ashfur and Squirrelflight to the studio.

"Squirrelflight!" Ashfur yowled. "I declare war on you!"

"I accept! Let us choose teams!" Squirrelflight hissed. She gathered all the she-cats and Ashfur got all the toms.

"LET US FIGHT, AND MAY IT ONLY BE WITH TOOTH AND CLAW!" Ashfur declared, letting out a battle cry and leaping for Squirrelflight. As the two warriors tussled, Sparkleflower faced Tigerstripe. The tom was slowly gaining the upper hand, but suddenly Spottedfire rushed to her side and they both swerved around him, raking both his sides with their claws and high-pawing when Tigerstripe fainted.

Elsewhere, Leafwing met Mudface, and they were a rolling mass of teeth, claws, and fur. Spottedpelt growled menacingly at Sunblaze, and they stared to swipe at each other. Hawkpath easily knocked down Lightningstrike with a single blow but was knocked over and included in Mudface's and Leafwing's battle. Willowmoon attacked Bouldertalon fiercely, but the tom was evenly matched with her. Sparkleflower leaped over and attacked Bouldertalon, and the two she-cats quickly overcame him, yowling in victory. Nearby, Hawkpath and Leafwing had defeated Mudface and joined in the yowls. Spottedfire helped Sunblaze and Spottedpelt ended up with several scratches on his face. Every she-cat save for Squirrelflight was howling in triumph, but soon Squirrelflight was too, having successfully ripped Ashfur open.

"We give up!" Mudface rasped.

"Just don't kill us!" Spottedpelt pleaded.

"My kits! Give my my kits!" Tigerstripe wailed.

"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" Bouldertalon yowled, making a feeble attempt at pushing Willowmoon and Sparkleflower off of his back and failing miserably.

"Work some of your goddamn magic and heal us!" Lightningstrike growled.

Sparkleflower poofed all the cats to perfect health and sent Ashfur and Squirrelflight back to where they belonged.

"Redkit! Moonkit!" Tigerstripe called happily, nuzzling his kits.

"Finally," Bouldertalon sighed. "That was unfair. There's just so many more she-cats!"

"That's the point!" Sparkleflower sang cheerfully. "Anyways, that's all for today. Don't forget about the apprentice offer! See ya next time on..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!"

Finally! Sorry for the wait! Just finished my goddamn annoying orchestra concert -.-" I was soooo bored. Well here it is! Kits are first come first serve and any left without a mentor will be given to one of my cats! See ya! And yes right now I love My Little Pony so I put that love into Sparkleflower. Ja ne~!


	8. Finally back!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors or the cats dared/tortured, but Sparkleflower, Angelfur, Tigerstripe, Spottedpaw, Mudface, Willowmoon, Greykit, Redkit, Stripekit, Snowkit, and Moonkit are mine.**

**Hosts:**

**Sparkleflower** – Fluffy silver she-cat with blue eyes. Is obsessed with Graystripe. Most insane, dangerous, and smart host. Owns a purple sparkly taser (pink is too manly!) named Electrovi, is her best friend. Hates Millie and constantly tortures her.

**Tigerstripe** – Black and orange striped tabby with dark eyes. Is more insane the happier he is. Doesn't care about most the cats, but enjoys watching Sparkleflower taser them. Has "muscle spasms" while holding a knife that makes him stab "on accident".

**Angelfur** – White she-cat with blue eyes. Hates Blackstar. Obsessed with Brackenfur. Cousins with Sparkleflower. Owns a random ball with retractable poison spikes.

**Spottedpelt** – Golden spotted tom with green eyes. Loves Hollyleaf (o.e). Enjoys watching Tigerstripe get annoyed. Uses a slingshot with sharp rocks as projectiles.

**Bouldertalon – **Dark gray tom with black stripes and bright green eyes. Uses fiery thorns. Enjoys other cats' pain and suffering. Mentor to Mosspaw.

**Stormgrowl - **Fluffy dark gray she-cat with bright yellow eyes. Has dark gray retractable wings. Lightningstrike and Thunderblaze's sister. Mate is Tigerfire. Mentor to Eaglepaw.

**Dawnfire - **Blue she-cat with orange stripes and blue eyes. Is invincible to everything but claws and teeth. Mate is Thunderblaze. Mentor to Honeypaw.

**Flowerwish - **Tortoiseshell she-cat with pretty blue eyes. Has exploding flowers. Mentor to Snowpaw.

**Security:**

**Willowmoon** – Fluffy light brown she-cat with ice blue eyes. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower.

**Mudface** – Mud-colored tom with brown eyes. Uses a grenade launcher. If annoyed, cats will go flying.

**Hawkpath** - Brown she-cat with black paws, tail tip, and ears. When made mad her eyes will turn ice blue and she WILL use her incredibly sharp claws

**Spottedfire** - Has a bracelet that lets her turn into stuff like dragons and tigers (her favorite transformations) Dark tortoiseshell she-cat with orange splotches and emerald green eyes. Has 3 kits (Eaglekit, Mosskit, Honeykit)Likes to fight with Lionblaze. Mate is Lightningstrike (White tom with golden streaks and pale green eyes) who makes random appearances on the show with various weapons.

**Sunblaze** – Bright Ginger she-cat with amber eyes. Smart, sarcastic, sometimes violent. She can control the elements of nature (water, wind, fire, and air).

**Leafwing – **Weapon is a big stick with poisonous thorns on it that can make you fall asleep and have 100 nightmares.

**Tigerfire** - Orange tom with black stripes and emerald green eyes. Can copy others powers/weapons. Spottedfire and Dawnfire's brother. Mate is Stormgrowl. Mentor to Stripepaw.

**Thunderblaze** - Golden tom with white and ginger streaks and amber eyes. Can see a cats future. Is Lightningstrike and Stormgrowl's brother. Mate is Dawnfire.

**Clawthroat** – Has the Force (like in Star Wars). Whichever cat he used the force on lands on a bed of nails. Mentor to Greykit.

**Leopardpelt** - Golden fur with brown spots and piercing green eyes. Stalker to Brambleclaw. Mentor to Moonkit. Has a staff that can control fire, ice and thunder. Hates Squirrelflight.

**Apprentices:**

**Greypaw - **Sparkleflower's kit. Named after Graystripe, replacing the 'a' with an 'e'. Uses all assassin items. Mentor is Clawthroat.

**Eaglepaw - D**ark brown-and-white tom with golden streaks and golden eyes. Can summon two special cats named Dark and Light. Mentor is Stormgrowl.

**Honeypaw - **White she-cat with golden streaks and honey colored eyes. Can summon zombie ninjas. Mentor is Dawnfire.

**Mosspaw - T**ortoiseshell she-cat with green eyes. Has a machine gun. Mentor is Bouldertalon.

**Moonpaw - **Silver she-cat with white streaks and silver eyes. Uses telepathy. Mentor is Leopardpelt.

**Snowpaw - **White she-cat with amber eyes. Has psychic powers. Mentor is Flowerwish.

**Redpaw - **Flaming ginger she-cat with green eyes. Has a best friend who... is just... incredibly dangerous, and I'll leave it at that. Mentor is Hawkpath.

**Stripepaw** – Dark brown tabby tom with red streaks and yellow eyes. Highly aggressive and moves like a ninja. Mentor is Tigerfire.

* * *

"Hi!" Sparkleflower said. "Welcome to..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other hosts shouted.

"If you are wondering, Rebel Rocker and Brokenjay," Bouldertalon said, "Your cats weren't on here because you did not specify a position and our dear lady Sailormoon1032-"

"FUCK YOU!" the creator screeched. "YOU DON'T GET TO CALL ME "LADY"!"

"- was not sure where to put them," Bouldertalon finished as if Sailormoon1032 hadn't spoken.

"HEY!" Sparkleflower batted Bouldertalon across the muzzle. "I'm supposed to talk first!"

"Sparkleflower!" Tigerstripe hissed, leaping on top of the silver host. "What the fuck is THIS about?" He nodded toward Hawkpath and Redpaw. "WHY dd you choose HER to mentor my baby?"

"I think Hawkpath is perfect," Sparkleflower said stubbornly, not seeming to care she was pinned to the ground.

"SHE'LL RIP REDPAW TO SHREDS!"

"Tigerstripe!" Hawkpath swiped at the tom and he toppled over onto his back. She stood over him. "Redpaw is too innocent! Why the hell would I harm such a sweet apprentice? I may be highly dangerous, but I assure you that Sparkleflower is correct. I am the best choice, for if you ignore my claws, you will notice I am the most mature cat here and I'm quite GENTLE when cats aren't fucking STEREOTYPING! I promise, I'd never lay a claw on Redpaw. Mentors are supposed to be nice to their apprentices." Hawkpath unsheathed her claws close to Tigerstripe's neck. "Clanmates in TortureClan, however, are a different matter. Insult me again, I dare you." She sheathed her claws.

Tigerstripe just hissed as Hawkpath padded away. He scrambled up and dusted himself off.

"Hello," Spottedpelt said loudly. "Don't we have a show to do?"

"You're right. How about you do the honors as your first episode as a warrior?" Angelfur offered.

"Me?" Spottedpelt was flattered. "Well, if you say so..." He read the list. "Well, we have new apprentices! You all already know that Hawkpath is mentor to Redpaw. Tigerfire is mentor to Stripepaw. Flowerwish is mentor to Snowpaw. Leopardpelt is mentor to Moonpaw. Bouldertalon is mentor to Mosspaw. Dawnfire is mentor to Honeypaw. Stormgrowl is mentor to Eaglepaw, and lastly, Clawthroat is mentor to Greypaw. You know also that most of the mentors listed were new cats. The new hosts are Stormgrowl, Dawnfire, and Flowerwish. New security cats are Tigerfire, Thunderblaze, Clawthroat, and Leopardpelt. We've assigned Tigerfire to be security for Flowerwish, Thunderblaze for Bouldertalon, Clawthroat for Stormgrowl, and Leopardpelt for Dawnfire. That's all."

"That was long." Flowerwish looked at the emails. "OH MY FREAKING GOD!"

"What?" Dawnfire asked.

"The dares..." Flowerwish fainted.

"Oh, it can't be that-" Stormgrowl cut off as he stared, wide-eyed, at the list. "Holy mother of the Dark Forest!" He fell backwards onto Flowerwish and fainted.

"Okay..." Sparkleflower stared as Dawnfire poked Stormgrowl with a stick. She expertly read the list, not surprised in the least. "We've started getting this many dares on a regular basis since, like, episode 3."

"You're kidding!" Flowerwish sat up. "That's crazy."

"Isn't it?" Tigerstripe sighed. "What's crazy is that my beautiful kits were given mentors so early..."

"Calm down!" Spottedpelt told him. "Remember, we're against the warrior code."

"I know, but it's still way early! I mean, Stripepaw and Moonpaw I'm not that worried about, and I suppose Snowpaw will pull through, but..." Tigerstripe looked at his paws.

"What?" Bouldertalon asked, oblivious to the fact that his black and orange friend was troubled.

"Insensitive mouse-brain!" Moonpaw snarled. "Daddy's worried! Can't you see?"

"Now, Moonpaw, you need to be ferocious, but right now it's my fault," Tigerstripe explained.

"Really?" Moonpaw stared at her father. "YOU'RE the mouse-brain, then!"

"Shut up!" Snowpaw pounced on her sister. They rolled around, almost running into Redpaw.

"Eek!" Redpaw jumped and Hawkpath licked her head.

"Calm yourself, little one," she soothed.

"It's Redpaw I'm worried about," Tigerstripe admitted. "She's just so small and defenseless..."

"She'll be FINE!" Angelfur gave an exasperated sigh. "For the love of the Dark Forest, quit worrying!"

"WILL YOU ALL SHUT THE HELL UP!" Sparkleflower screeched. "WE'RE STILL BROADCASTING!"

"Oh, is it time to start the show?" Stormgrowl got up, bright and alert.

"Time to start the show was a long time ago, rookie," Bouldertalon told him.

"Oh." Stormgrowl looked at Sparkleflower. "Dares now?"

"Yeppers." Sparkleflower looked through the list. "Oh, look, Bouldy, your creator was the first to read last chapter!"

"BOULDY?" Bouldertalon shrieked. "WHAT THE HELL KIND OF NAME IS THAT?"

"Your creator made it up," Sparkleflower said, shrugging. "Be happy she got you Mosspaw as an apprentice. Okay, first up..." She poofed Jayfeather to the studio.

"Whaddya want?" The medicine cat asked boredly. He seemed surprised when Willowmoon set a slice of pizza in front of him.

"I bet this is poisoned." Jayfeather turned his head away.

"Y-You don't trust my cooking...?" Willowmoon ran off to the emo corner.

"You made her upset!" Sparkleflower scolded Jayfeather. "It's not poisoned!"

"What?" Jayfeather sniffed his pizza. "Why are you being nice to me?"

"Hawkpath-the-anonymous-viewer figured you deserved pizza." Sparkleflower waved her paw dismissively. "You know, because you're the most tortured cat on the show."

"Oh... well..." Jayfeather blinked. "Thanks I guess..."

"Thank Hawkpath-the-anonymous-viewer," Spottedpelt said.

"Okay then." Jayfeather's eyes grew huge when he took a bite of pizza. "Mmmm... Mmmmmmmmm... MMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

"I think he likes it." Stormgrowl stared.

Willowmoon lifted her head hopefully. "He does?"

"What's he in, a hentai?" Dawnfire giggled. "Playing the girl?"

"Right..." Flowerwish poofed him back to ThunderClan. "Next, Sparkleflower?"

"Lemme see..." Sparkleflower scanned the list, then poofed Jayfeather back. "We don't have any kits anymore, but the apprentices will do."

Mosspaw, Eaglepaw, Honeypaw, Greypaw, Stripepaw, Moonpaw, Snowpaw, and Redpaw attacked Jayfeather. He screeched and tried to shake them off. Redpaw tumbled off his back with a squeak. Before Tigerstripe could punish the medicine cat, Hawkpath sliced his tail off. Jayfeather looked at his current "tail."

"Nuuuuuuu!" Jayfeather sobbed as he was poofed back to ThunderClan and Lionblaze and Tigerstar were poofed to the studio.

"Wow." Lionblaze looked at the cats in the room.

"Th-this is a lot more than last time I was here..." Tigerstar muttered.

"Be gay." Bouldertalon watched them expectantly.

Lionblaze made out with Tigerstar, then was ripped apart. Both toms were sent home, Lionblaze alive and spitting on the ground to try to get rid of the taste.

"Next..." Angelfur poofed Ashfur (I think he deserves to be in the Dark Forest!), Darkstripe, Hawkfrost, Tigerstar, Brokenstar, and other cats (screw listing them all) into the studio and put tutus on them. Most of them looked embarrassed, but Darkstripe jumped up and danced around. This resulted in the other Dark Forest cats to tear him apart.

"Right..." Stormgrowl stared at the cats in the pink tutus as they poofed back to the Dark Forest.

"Next." Sparkleflower poofed Lionblaze and Cinderheart to the studio and whispered the torture in Lionblaze's ear.

"I... Cinderheart?" Lionblaze mumbled.

"Yes?" Cinderheart asked, eyes shining. "What is it?"

"I... I love Bluestar."

There was a long silence. Suddenly there was a flash of movement and Cinderheart went home, leaving a mass of blood and golden fur behind. Sparkleflower brought him back to life and poofed him back to ThunderClan.

"Okay..." Angelfur poofed Spottedleaf, Sandstorm, and Firestar to the studio. Spottedleaf and Firestar kissed, which made Sandstorm make them non-existent. She stalked away as the other two were healed and sent home.

"Let's see..." Tigerstripe cast a spell on Lionblaze and Jayfeather, granting Jayfeather sight and the title of a warrior, and Lionblaze turned blind and got to be medicine cat. Jayfeather had kits with Cinderheart and they ended up being annoying as hell. Lionblaze took omens and talked maniacally to the stick and hooked up with it.

"I don't like this." Spottedpelt poofed things back to normal.

"That was scary." Sparkleflower shivered.

Clawthroat randomly let out a yowl. The mentors were having battle training with their apprentices. Tigerfire failed horribly against Stripepaw. Leopardpelt was fighting Moonpaw with quick moves, which Moonpaw always caught up to. The cats without apprentices just looked away and continued the show.

Hollyleaf and Sol were poofed to the studio.

"WARRIOR CODE FOREVER!" Hollyleaf shouted. Sol stared at her.

"Good job, hun." Sparkleflower rolled her eyes and pushed them together, making them make out. They made out for 5 minutes and were sent back where they were.

"That's all today," Sparkleflower said. "See ya next time on..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!"

* * *

**Finally done! O.o Sorry for the wait! Like seriously, I'm really, really sorry! Hope you like this one! I really am sorry! I tried to get it to you sooner but I just couldn't! Well as always send me your dares somehow! Ja ne~**


	9. Took me long enough

**Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors or the cats dared/tortured, but Sparkleflower, Angelfur, Tigerstripe, Spottedpaw, Mudface, Willowmoon, Greypaw, Redpaw, Stripepaw, Snowpaw, and Moonpaw are mine.**

Leader:

**Sparkleflower** – Fluffy silver she-cat with blue eyes. Is obsessed with Graystripe. Most insane, dangerous, and smart host. Owns a purple sparkly taser (pink is too manly!) named Electrovi, is her best friend. Hates Millie and constantly tortures her. Host.

Deputy:

**Hawkpath** - Brown she-cat with black paws, tail tip, and ears. When made mad her eyes will turn ice blue and she WILL use her incredibly sharp claws. Security.

Medicine Cat:

**Willowmoon** – Fluffy light brown she-cat with ice blue eyes. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower. Security as well as medicine cat.

Warriors:

**Tigerstripe** – Black and orange striped tabby with dark eyes. Is more insane the happier he is. Doesn't care about most the cats, but enjoys watching Sparkleflower taser them. Has "muscle spasms" while holding a knife that makes him stab "on accident". Host.

**Angelfur** – White she-cat with a brown/tan diamond on forehead and green eyes. Hates Blackstar. Obsessed with Brackenfur. Cousins with Sparkleflower. Owns a random ball with retractable poison spikes. Host.

**Spottedpelt** – Golden spotted tom with green eyes. Loves Hollyleaf (o.e). Enjoys watching Tigerstripe get annoyed. Uses a slingshot with sharp rocks as projectiles. Host.

**Bouldertalon – **Dark gray tom with black stripes and bright green eyes. Uses fiery thorns. Enjoys other cats' pain and suffering. Mentor to Mosspaw. Host.

**Stormgrowl - **Fluffy dark gray she-cat with bright yellow eyes. Has dark gray retractable wings. Lightningstrike and Thunderblaze's sister. Mate is Tigerfire. Mentor to Eaglepaw. Host.

**Dawnfire - **Blue she-cat with orange stripes and blue eyes. Is invincible to everything but claws and teeth. Mate is Thunderblaze. Mentor to Honeypaw. Host.

**Flowerwish - **Tortoiseshell she-cat with pretty blue eyes. Has exploding flowers. Mentor to Snowpaw. Host.

**Gingerfrost -** Ginger she-cat with white patches. Weapon is a metal boomerang with spikes that inject poison on contact. Tends to think Lionblaze wants to kill her, stalks Dustpelt, and loves to torture Sandstorm and Firestar. Host.

**Talonwing – **Black she-cat with silver paws and blue eyes. Crazy, spazy, and sort of grumpy Weapon is an electric guitar than can make a cat's ears explode. Host.

**Willowmoon** – Fluffy light brown she-cat with ice blue eyes. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower. Security as well as medicine cat.

**Mudface** – Mud-colored tom with brown eyes. Uses a grenade launcher. If annoyed, cats will go flying. Security.

**Spottedfire** - Has a bracelet that lets her turn into stuff like dragons and tigers (her favorite transformations) Dark tortoiseshell she-cat with orange splotches and emerald green eyes. Has 3 kits (Eaglekit, Mosskit, Honeykit)Likes to fight with Lionblaze. Mate is Lightningstrike (White tom with golden streaks and pale green eyes) who makes random appearances on the show with various weapons. Security.

**Sunblaze** – Bright Ginger she-cat with amber eyes. Smart, sarcastic, sometimes violent. She can control the elements of nature (water, wind, fire, and air). Security.

**Leafwing – **Weapon is a big stick with poisonous thorns on it that can make you fall asleep and have 100 nightmares. Security.

**Tigerfire** - Orange tom with black stripes and emerald green eyes. Can copy others powers/weapons. Spottedfire and Dawnfire's brother. Mate is Stormgrowl. Mentor to Stripepaw. Security.

**Thunderblaze** - Golden tom with white and ginger streaks and amber eyes. Can see a cats future. Is Lightningstrike and Stormgrowl's brother. Mate is Dawnfire. Security.

**Clawthroat** – Has the Force (like in Star Wars). Whichever cat he used the force on lands on a bed of nails. Mentor to Greykit. Security.

**Leopardpelt** - Golden fur with brown spots and piercing green eyes. Stalker to Brambleclaw. Mentor to Moonkit. Has a staff that can control fire, ice and thunder. Hates Squirrelflight. Security.

**Mooncloud - **Silver tabby with darker gray stripes and a dark gray moon by her left eye, white tuxedo markings, and bright blue eyes. Has just about no sanity left after eight moons of regular apprentice training. Has multiple personalities. Has a crush on Eclipse. Weapon is a poisoned stiletto dagger. Security.

**Eclipse - **Dark gray tom with green eyes, can call up rainbows and rabid unicorns. Also can read minds. Security.

Apprentices:

**Greypaw - **Sparkleflower's kit. Named after Graystripe, replacing the 'a' with an 'e'. Uses all assassin items. Mentor is Clawthroat. Security in training.

**Eaglepaw - D**ark brown-and-white tom with golden streaks and golden eyes. Can summon two special cats named Dark and Light. Mentor is Stormgrowl. Host in training.

**Honeypaw - **White she-cat with golden streaks and honey colored eyes. Can summon zombie ninjas. Mentor is Dawnfire. Host in training.

**Mosspaw - T**ortoiseshell she-cat with green eyes. Has a machine gun. Mentor is Bouldertalon. Host in training.

**Moonpaw - **Silver she-cat with white streaks and silver eyes. Uses telepathy. Mentor is Leopardpelt. Security in training.

**Snowpaw - **White she-cat with amber eyes. Has psychic powers. Mentor is Flowerwish. Host in training.

**Redpaw - **Flaming ginger she-cat with green eyes. Has a best friend who... is just... incredibly dangerous, and I'll leave it at that. Mentor is Hawkpath. Security in training.

**Stripepaw** – Dark brown tabby tom with red streaks and yellow eyes. Highly aggressive and moves like a ninja. Mentor is Tigerfire. Security in training.

* * *

"Hi!" Sparkleflower said. "Welcome to..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other hosts shouted.

"Okay," Bouldertalon began, before being tackled by Sparkleflower again.

"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU I'M SUPPOSED TO TALK FIRST!" she screeched. "Remember before I slice your tail off!"

"Alright! Alright!" Bouldertalon backed away. "Go ahead."

"Leave him a-" Angelfur backed away at Sparkleflower's glare.

"Now, if there's no more interruptions..." Sparkleflower glared at Angelfur and Bouldertalon, who had been mysteriously tied up in about 3 milliseconds. "Let's continue. Dawnfire, you do the honors."

"Okay." Dawnfire checked the list. "We've got a few more cats. Gingerfrost is a new host."

"LIONBLAZE IS COMING!" Gingerfrost shrieked. "HE'S COMING TO KIIIIIIIIILL MEEEEEEEEEE!" She ducked beneath Dawnfire, making her topple over.

"What is WRONG with you?" Flowerwish demanded, helping Dawnfire up. "Lionblaze is nowhere near here."

"You've got some problems," Stormgrowl muttered.

"Problems?" Eaglepaw asked innocently. "What kind of problems?"

"Yes, we want to know!" Snowpaw squeaked. "Tell us!"

Tigerstripe pressed his paws over Snowpaw's ears. "Don't soil them with your nonsense! They're too young to be insane!" He glanced over to Redpaw, who was trembling. Hawkpath was trying and failing to comfort her. "You already ruined her by telling her where kits came from!" He scratched Stormgrowl's muzzle.

"I said I was sorry!" Stormgrowl wailed. "Give me a break!"

"He's right," Hawkpath put in. "Redpaw is too innocent to know about that. You're an idiot."

Stormgrowl huffed as Dawnfire went on with her introduction.

"Our other host is Talonwing. I'm jealous of her guitar..." Dawnfire sighed. "Moving on. We have 2 security cats. Mooncloud, who will be assigned to Gingerfrost, and Eclipse, who is assigned to Talonwing."

"But he uses rainbows!" Talonwing complained. "How is that helpful?"

"Don't forget rabid unicorns!" Eclipse put in.

"AGAIN!" Talonwing shrieked. "HOW IN THE NAME OF THE DARK FOREST IS THAT _USEFUL_?"

"... because you can..." Eclipse thought for a moment. "...you can..." He shrugged. "I've got nothing."

"Grrr..." Talonwing sat by the other hosts.

"Onto the dares!" Sparkleflower said. She poofed Lionblaze, Jayfeather, and Dovewing to the studio and gave them microphones, a guitar, a drum set, and epic rock clothes including awesome t-shirts that said "Power of Three" and torn up jeans. "You guys get to go on tour... in the forest!"

"WHAT?" Jayfeather stared.

"Oh, and you'll have to go to SkyClan as well. Good luck!" Sparkleflower poofed them to ThunderClan.

Jayfeather stared at the cats around them as he tapped on the microphone. "Well... umm... this first song..." He huddled up with Dovewing and Lionblaze, then turned back to the crowd. "This first song is called 'I Wanna Rock' by Twisted Sister!" He motioned to Dovewing and Lionblaze and the music started.

**_Jayfeather:_**I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Turn it down you say  
Well, all I got to say to you is time and time again I say  
"No, no, no, no, no, no"

_**Lionblaze:**_Tell me not to play  
Well, all I got to say to you when you tell me not to play  
I say, "No, no, no, no, no, no"

_**Dovewing:**_So, if you ask me why I like the way I play it  
There's only one thing I can say to you  
_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock  
_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock  
_**Jayfeather:**_There's a feelin' that I get from nothin' else  
And there ain't nothin' in the world  
That makes me go, go, go, go, go, go

_**Lionblaze:**_Turn the power up  
I've waited for so long so I could hear my favorite song  
So let's go, go, go, go, go, go, go

_**Dovewing:**_When it's like this I feel the music shootin' through me  
There's nothin' else that I would rather do  
_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock  
_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock  
_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock  
_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock  
_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock  
_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock  
_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock  
_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock  
_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock  
_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

**_Lionblaze and Dovewing:_**Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock (pause) I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

**_Lionblaze and Dovewing:_**Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

**_Lionblaze and Dovewing:_**Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

**_Jayfeather:_**Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_I wanna rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**Jayfeather:**_Rock

_**Lionblaze and Dovewing:**_Rock

_**All 3:**_I wanna rock

((A/N: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG IT TOOK TO WRITE THAT! ^))

ThunderClan stayed silent. Jayfeather looked toward Lionblaze and Dovewing uncertainly.

"W-Well..." The blind medicine cat backed away. "We'll just... go no-" He was cut off as the Clan erupted in cheers. The three cats were shocked as they went to perform for the other Clans, then finally were poofed home. Back in the studio, loud cheering and clapping were above all other noise.

"Woooooo!" Spottedpelt yowled. "That was epic!"

"Lionblaze was only amazing because he didn't know I was watching!" Gingerfrost said.

"Who knew Jayfeather was actually _talented?_" Talonwing muttered.

"Who cares?" Spottedfire and Sunblaze demanded.

"Jay-feath-er! Jay-feath-er!" Greypaw and Moonpaw chanted.

"Li-on-blaze! Li-on-blaze!" Eaglepaw, Mosspaw, and Honeypaw countered.

The two groups argued until a new chant arose. "Dove-wing! Dove-wing!" Snowpaw, Redpaw, and Stripepaw yowled, only to be tackled by the other apprentices. Redpaw wriggled free of the battle and sat by Hawkpath, who was talking calmly with Dawnfire about something-or-other.

"ENOUGH! Enough!" At the sound of Sparkleflower's call, TortureClan fell silent. "Let's get to the next dare." She poofed Firestar and Dovewing to the studio. Firestar started to cry.

"WHYYYYYYYYY?" the leader wailed.

"What?" Dovewing asked. "Why am I here? Wasn't I already give a dare?"

"Sorry, hun, but it doesn't matter how many times you come," Sparkleflower explained as she gagged Firestar. "Now, since it's quiet, I can tell you your dare."

"Lemme guess: Make out session?" Dovewing asked boredly. She ungagged Firestar and dragged him to the closet, then came out 15 minutes later dragging a dazed leader. Dovewing was poofed home and Scourge took her place.

"No!" Firestar gasped as Scourge took a step toward him. "No! NO! NOOOOO!" Blood was splattered all over the studio walls as Scourge was sent back to the dead and Firestar was sent home.

"You aren't going to reincarnate him?" Flowerwish asked.

"He's still got 4 lives left," Sparkleflower said dismissively.

"That's just cruel," Dawnfire muttered.

"Get used to it! We're from _Torture_Clan, not _Pansy_Clan."

"Oh snap!" Talonwing snickered.

"Next already!" Bouldertalon meowed. He poofed Tigerstar to the studio and stuffed a tutu on him, then sent him to a Gathering. Everything fell silent.

"Uhh... I..." Tigerstar shrunk under the glare of the Clans. "I know I... destroyed the forest... and all... but can you-"

The whole Gathering attacked him and ripped him to shreds. He was sent back to the Dark Forest with the tutu perfectly intact.

"Okay." Talonwing read the list, then poofed Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Dovewing back. The security attacked them. Sparkleflower stood in front of the camera.

"Excuse this interruption. This content is against policy to show. Please stare at this picture of an adorable panda until we are finished. Thank you." (pic found here ?qh=§ion=&q=cute+panda#/d129xff)

((minutes later))

The panda picture was removed to show a grumpy Jayfeather in a Santa costume and sitting in a sleigh. Lionblaze and Dovewing were furious in their reindeer costumes. Lionblaze had a red nose. Every cat in the studio laughed at them.

"Off you go!" Angelfur cheered. "Spread love and joy across the Clans!" Spottedpelt saluted them. Jayfeather took off, first going to ShadowClan and giving them presents.

"Woo!" Tigerheart yowled. "I got those Sharpies I wanted!" He grinned evilly. "Now I can mark all over Bumblestripe! Dovewing is MINE!"

The ShadowClan cats all frolicked and yowled cheerfully, but suddenly a loud girlish scream sounded above everything else.

"MY CATNIP!" Blackstar shrieked. "MY PRECIOUS CATNIP! Oh, how I loved you so!" Blackstar then turned to the Clan. "If you will excuse me, I must go get high off my ass." He left.

"O...K...?" Jayfeather shook his head and the Three left for the other Clans.

"Alright..." Sparkleflower poofed Jayfeather, the stick, Firestar, Hollyleaf, Lionblaze, and Half Moon to the studio. She stole a Sharpie from Tigerheart and drew a face on the stick, then gave it back.

Jayfeather stared at the stick. "Please tell me I'm not..." He gulped as the hosts nodded. The blind medicine cat stared at the cats around him and began making out with the stick. Half Moon was the first to react.

"Jay's Wing!" she cried. "How could you!" She slashed him across the muzzle and ran away crying. The Clan cats just stared and started backing away.

"We'll just... leave you two alone..." As Dovewing said that, the cats walked away. On Sparkleflower's command, Spottedfire grabbed Firestar and held him back as Jayfeather was poofed home.

"W-What are you doing?" Firestar squeaked as he was tied to the wall. Sandstorm and Dustpelt were poofed to the studio.

"You must watch them 'have kits'," Gingerfrost said, feeling confident with the knowledge that Lionblaze wasn't around. "Good luck." The cats left the room and came back an hour later to see Firestar sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth. There were bloody remains of Dustpelt on the floor.

"What the hell happened?" Talonwing demanded.

"How did he break through the bonds?" Tigerstripe stared at the chains that had held Firestar down.

"He just broke them," Sandstorm replied. "After seeing what me and Dustpelt were doing, he went insane and killed Dustpelt, then when he came back to his senses he became mentally scarred."

"Wow." Spottedpelt brought Dustpelt to life and sent the cats back home. "Next... Oh, hey, look!" He opened an email. "Sailormoon1032 made a picture of the first eight cats ever featured on the show!" (If anyone wants to see it, it's here art/Warriors-Torture-Cats-306723150)

Hawkpath walked over to the crowd surrounding Sparkleflower's laptop. "Sure enough, I'm in there."

"Yep!" Greypaw was sitting on Clawthroat. "Me, Mom, Spottedpelt, Tigerstripe, Angelfur, Hawkpath, Willowmoon, and Mudface!"

"YOU DON'T GET TO CALL ME MOM!" Sparkleflower screeched, tasering him.

"Um..." Mudface stared at the picture. "Willowmoon looks... strangely bored..."

"How is that weird?" Willowmoon asked.

"You're normally so..." Mudface shook his head. "Never mind."

"Can't she make another picture with the rest of us?" Talonwing complained.

"Read, won't you?" Spottedfire retorted.

"It says right below it that she's going to make more," Gingerfrost added.

"She should hurry it up, then!" Talonwing muttered.

"Go away if you don't like it!" Sunblaze used wind to send Talonwing to a happy place with laughing children and sunflowers with smiley faces on them. Talonwing screamed bloody murder.

"Hey..." Mooncloud stared. "Should I do something about her?"

"Just leave her be," Spottedfire advised. "Trust me, you don't want to do otherwise."

"Leave that crazy mangepelt alone?" Mooncloud still looked uncertain. Eclipse let out a howl.

"I'VE GOT TO GO GET HER!" he screeched. "She is my host and I am made to protect her for specifically this reason!"

"Eclipse, I don't think you'll have to-" Angelfur was cut off as Eclipse summoned a rabid unicorn and jumped on it's back. Tigerstripe facepalmed.

"I'M COOOOOOMMIIIIIIING, TAAAAALOOOOONWIIIIIIING!" Eclipse yowled as he and the unicorn flew away on a rainbow.

"Okay...?" Sparkleflower shrugged and read the next dare. She poofed Jayfeather to the studio.

"What?" he demanded. "This better be good- I was about to feed Berrynose some deathberries!"

"Can't we watch that instead?" Honeypaw pleaded.

"Y-Yeah," Stripepaw agreed quickly. "Sounds fun."

"MOONY!" Bouldertalon shouted, laughing at him.

"Oh, that reminds me!" Sparkleflower said, smacking her forehead. "Before I start this dare, I have to tell you, Bouldy-"

"God DAMMIT stop calling me that!"

"-that your new mate is Angelfur."

Angelfur gasped. "REALLY?"

"Really really." Sparkleflower hid a smile.

"Really really really?"

"Really really really really."

"Really really really really really?"

"Really really really really really really."

"Really really really really really really really really really-"

"For the love of the Dark Forest YES! Now shut the fuck up!"

"Eeek!" Angelfur fainted. Dawnfire, Thunderblaze, Leopardpelt, and Tigerfire dragged her off to wake her up.

"Hello?" Jayfeather called pointedly. "Are you going to dare me?"

"Oh, right. You have to eat chocolate till you burst." Sparkleflower poofed some Russel Stover to the studio.

"You mean that figuratively, right?" the medicine cat asked worriedly.

"...sure." Sparkleflower threw the chocolate at him and he started eating.

"Where did you get that chocolate?" Clawthroat asked.

"I surely didn't steal this amazing tasting high quality chocolate from the store..." Sparkleflower said sarcastically. "That stuff is amazing! No kidding, dear audience, that is the most delicious chocolate in the world."

"Stop breaking the fourth wall!" Spottedpelt said.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Spottedpelt was tasered.

"Saw that one coming," Tigerstripe muttered.

All of a sudden there was a loud explosion_. _The cats turned only to see bits of Jayfeather flying everywhere.

"Haha, he really burst," Moonpaw giggled. Eaglepaw prodded the remains with one paw.

"Don't touch him! He'll make you good!" Willowmoon said. The apprentices screeched, terrified, and scampered away.

"Huh." Tigerstripe brought Jayfeather to life and poofed him back to ThunderClan, then poofed Feathertail and Hawkfrost to the studio. "You two-"

"HAHA!" Hawkfrost yowled, grabbing Feathertail and kissing her. "I GET REVENGE ON THE FRIEND OF THE MENTOR OF THE CAT THAT KILLED ME!"

"Uh, newsflash, moron," Feathertail interrupted. "I'm not Graystripe's daughter anymore."

"Do what?"

"I hate his guts. According to both of us, we're no longer related." Feathertail huffed.

"Oh... well..." Hawkfrost stared at her. "Then... I'll just..." He disappeared.

"Alrighty then." Feathertail was poofed to StarClan and Lionblaze, Cinderheart, and Dovewing replaced her.

"...Again?" Cinderheart sighed. "Haven't I been here before?"

"You know, I've forgotten," Mudface said.

"Shut up!" Sparkleflower meowed. "Only us hosts can talk whenever we want!"

"Oh... Sorry?" Mudface backed away.

"Anyways." Dawnfire tossed them a few bottles of sake. "Knock yourselves out."

"Alright!" Lionblaze took a long drink along with the she-cats. They soon became obviously drunk.

"Hey... Hey... Ceniderhate..." Lionblaze mumbled. "Why ain't this place got no... no... um... an elefante?"

"E-Elefante?" Dovewing said drowsily. "Is it tasty? Does it, uh, taste like... mouse?"

"Hey, Linoblaesa," Cinderheart giggled loudly. "I should drag one of them elefantes here. I can't believe they don't have one."

"Oh god no..." Sparkleflower moaned. "Don't bring an elephant into my studio!"

"Whaaaaat?" Dovewing asked. "Why naaaaaaawt? Everyone needs a elefante, man!"

"WHOA!" Cinderheart mewed. "Whoa! Dovewing... that was so... so... _hawt._" She kissed Dovewing.

"H-hey.. back off my girlfriend.. you... stupid... fuck..." Lionblaze made a weird attempt at pushing Dovewing and Cinderheart apart that ended up with them drinking more sake.

"It's all about the _sake!_" Dovewing cheered. "Hey, guys,-hic-guys, come join me!" Cinderheart and Lionblaze did the can-can while Dovewing played the piano.

"Wait a minute..." Bouldertalon stared at the large, classy piano. "Wasn't that destroyed when we dropped it on Lionblaze?" He stared at Sparkleflower.

"You're as clueless as I am," Sparkleflower replied.

Suddenly there was a loud crash and rainbows splattered all over the walls of the studio. Eclipse emerged from the ruckus and made his rabid unicorn disappear. He was dragging Talonwing.

"I could've saved myself, ya know," Talonwing grumbled.

"But it's my job!" Eclipse sniffed.

"Whooooaaaa!" Cinderheart giggled. "RAINBOWS AN' SHIT, MAN!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA!" Lionblaze and Dovewing yowled.

"I'm sick of them." Tigerstripe poofed them back to ThunderClan. "Okay, that's all I think..."

"Yeppers." Bouldertalon checked the list. "It should be."

"Stop stealing my words, people!" Sparkleflower screeched, then sighed. "I need to get a patent for them. Anyways, thanks for watching! See you next time on..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other cats cheered.

**FINALLY FINISHED O.O it took so long I kept getting distracted... going to work on Hyrule Academy now! Woo! Review please! Cya wonderful readers! Ja ne~**


	10. Wow just wow

**Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors or the cats dared/tortured, but Sparkleflower, Angelfur, Tigerstripe, Spottedpaw, Mudface, Willowmoon, Greypaw, Redpaw, Stripepaw, Snowpaw, and Moonpaw are mine.**

Leader:

**Sparkleflower** – Fluffy silver she-cat with blue eyes. Is obsessed with Graystripe. Most insane, dangerous, and smart host. Owns a purple sparkly taser (pink is too manly!) named Electrovi, is her best friend. Hates Millie and constantly tortures her. Host.

Deputy:

**Hawkpath** - Brown she-cat with black paws, tail tip, and ears. When made mad her eyes will turn ice blue and she WILL use her incredibly sharp claws. Security.

Medicine Cat(s):

**Willowmoon** – Fluffy light brown she-cat with ice blue eyes. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower. Security as well as medicine cat.

**Icenose - **White tom. Loves Ivypool. No known weapon.

Warriors:

**Tigerstripe** – Black and orange striped tabby with dark eyes. Is more insane the happier he is. Doesn't care about most the cats, but enjoys watching Sparkleflower taser them. Has "muscle spasms" while holding a knife that makes him stab "on accident". Host.

**Angelfur** – White she-cat with a brown/tan diamond on forehead and green eyes. Hates Blackstar. Obsessed with Brackenfur. Cousins with Sparkleflower. Owns a random ball with retractable poison spikes. Host.

**Spottedpelt **– Golden spotted tom with green eyes. Loves Hollyleaf (o.e). Enjoys watching Tigerstripe get annoyed. Uses a slingshot with sharp rocks as projectiles. Host.

**Bouldertalon** – Dark gray tom with black stripes and bright green eyes. Uses fiery thorns. Enjoys other cats' pain and suffering. Mentor to Mosspaw. Host.

**Stormgrowl** - Fluffy dark gray she-cat with bright yellow eyes. Has dark gray retractable wings. Lightningstrike and Thunderblaze's sister. Mate is Tigerfire. Mentor to Eaglepaw. Host.

**Dawnfire** - Blue she-cat with orange stripes and blue eyes. Is invincible to everything but claws and teeth. Mate is Thunderblaze. Mentor to Honeypaw. Host.

**Flowerwish** - Tortoiseshell she-cat with pretty blue eyes. Has exploding flowers. Mentor to Snowpaw. Host.

**Gingerfrost** - Ginger she-cat with white patches. Weapon is a metal boomerang with spikes that inject poison on contact. Tends to think Lionblaze wants to kill her, stalks Dustpelt, and loves to torture Sandstorm and Firestar. Host.

**Talonwing** – Black she-cat with silver paws and blue eyes. Crazy, spazy, and sort of grumpy Weapon is an electric guitar than can make a cat's ears explode. Host.

**Willowmoon** – Fluffy light brown she-cat with ice blue eyes. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower. Security as well as medicine cat.

**Mudface** – Mud-colored tom with brown eyes. Uses a grenade launcher. If annoyed, cats will go flying. Security.

**Spottedfire** - Has a bracelet that lets her turn into stuff like dragons and tigers (her favorite transformations) Dark tortoiseshell she-cat with orange splotches and emerald green eyes. Has 3 kits (Eaglekit, Mosskit, Honeykit)Likes to fight with Lionblaze. Mate is Lightningstrike (White tom with golden streaks and pale green eyes) who makes random appearances on the show with various weapons. Security.

**Sunblaze** – Bright Ginger she-cat with amber eyes. Smart, sarcastic, sometimes violent. She can control the elements of nature (water, wind, fire, and air). Security.

**Leafwing** – Weapon is a big stick with poisonous thorns on it that can make you fall asleep and have 100 nightmares. Security.

**Tigerfire **- Orange tom with black stripes and emerald green eyes. Can copy others powers/weapons. Spottedfire and Dawnfire's brother. Mate is Stormgrowl. Mentor to Stripepaw. Security.

**Thunderblaze** - Golden tom with white and ginger streaks and amber eyes. Can see a cats future. Is Lightningstrike and Stormgrowl's brother. Mate is Dawnfire. Security.

**Clawthroat** – Has the Force (like in Star Wars). Whichever cat he used the force on lands on a bed of nails. Mentor to Greykit. Security.

**Leopardpelt** - Golden fur with brown spots and piercing green eyes. Stalker to Brambleclaw. Mentor to Moonkit. Has a staff that can control fire, ice and thunder. Hates Squirrelflight. Security.

**Mooncloud** - Silver tabby with darker gray stripes and a dark gray moon by her left eye, white tuxedo markings, and bright blue eyes. Has just about no sanity left after eight moons of regular apprentice training. Has multiple personalities. Has a crush on Eclipse. Weapon is a poisoned stiletto dagger. Security.

**Eclipse** - Dark gray tom with green eyes, can call up rainbows and rabid unicorns. Also can read minds. Security.

Apprentices:

**Greypaw** - Sparkleflower's kit. Named after Graystripe, replacing the 'a' with an 'e'. Uses all assassin items. Mentor is Clawthroat. Security in training.

**Eaglepaw** - Dark brown-and-white tom with golden streaks and golden eyes. Can summon two special cats named Dark and Light. Mentor is Stormgrowl. Host in training.

**Honeypaw** - White she-cat with golden streaks and honey colored eyes. Can summon zombie ninjas. Mentor is Dawnfire. Host in training.

**Mosspaw** - Tortoiseshell she-cat with green eyes. Has a machine gun. Mentor is Bouldertalon. Host in training.

**Moonpaw** - Silver she-cat with white streaks and silver eyes. Uses telepathy. Mentor is Leopardpelt. Security in training.

**Snowpaw** - White she-cat with amber eyes. Has psychic powers. Mentor is Flowerwish. Host in training.

**Redpaw** - Flaming ginger she-cat with green eyes. Has a best friend who... is just... incredibly dangerous, and I'll leave it at that. Mentor is Hawkpath. Security in training.

**Stripepaw** – Dark brown tabby tom with red streaks and yellow eyes. Highly aggressive and moves like a ninja. Mentor is Tigerfire. Security in training.

* * *

"Hi!" Sparkleflower said. "Welcome to..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other hosts shouted.

"You first, Sparkleflower," Bouldertalon meowed.

"Good Bouldy," Sparkleflower said sweetly. "I knew you'd learned your lesson."

"Aww, Bouldy, you're so gentlemanly!" Angelfur sighed.

"Today we have a new cat," Sparkleflower announced. "His name is Icenose. I'm not sure what to make him, security or host, so I'll make him Willowmoon's medicine cat apprentice until further notice."

"...really?" Icenose stared at Sparkleflower.

"Really really," Sparkleflower replied. "Okay, Gingerfrost, onto you."

"Alrighty. First we have..." The ginger she-cat read the list and poofed Lionblaze, Jayfeather, and Dovewing to the studio.

"What now?" Dovewing asked, then squealed at the sight of a dress rack. "EwmahgoddressesIcan'!" Jayfeather and Lionblaze stared at her.

"Not for you," Willowmoon said, moving the rack as Dovewing leaped for it. "These are for Lionblaze and Jayfeather to wear. You get this." Icenose pulled out a black tux as his mentor spoke.

"... I... hate you... SO... much..." the three growled in unison ten minutes later. Dovewing was stuffed in the tux with a black bow in front. Lionblaze was in a lavender dress with white real roses on it. Jayfeather was wearing a sparkly pink dress with red real roses on it.

"Nice." Spottedpelt poofed Lionblaze and Dovewing home, then took the dress off of Jayfeather and poofed him to a Gathering.

"I LOVE MISTYSTAR!" he yowled.

"Get him!" Onestar shrieked. The Clans attacked Jayfeather.

"Alrighty..." Talonwing brought Jayfeather back to life and poofed him home, then poofed Dovewing, Lionblaze, Cinderheart, Tigerheart, and Bumblestripe to the studio. Dawnfire whispered in Dovewing's ear. She sighed.

"Tigerheart, Bumblestripe," she began, "I'm ditching you for Lionblaze." With that she kissed her former mentor and the other two toms wailed and hugged each other like little kits. Cinderheart buried her own grave and lied in it. They were poofed home and Jayfeather took their place. The Three looked around as they were sent to an alternate dimension.

"YOU MUST MAKE IT THROUGH THIS GAUNTLET." Sparkleflower's voice echoed. "IT IS FILLED WITH MISSILES, UNICORNS, LAVA, AND SHARKS. IF YOU GET TO THE SAFEHOUSE ALIVE, YOU'LL GET A NICE SOOTHING MEAL. HAVE A NICE DAY."

"What the hell?" Lionblaze barely dodged a missile and started jumping over the lava in a puzzle of rocks. He was followed carefully by Dovewing and Jayfeather.

"Hmm..." the blind medicine cat sniffed the air. "I smell soup. Follow me!" He walked over to the lava and stepped unknowingly on a shark. He calmly rode the thrashing fish while Lionblaze was eaten by one and Dovewing was attacked by a unicorn. Jayfeather walked off of the shark, oblivious that his kin were dead, and ended up in front of the safehouse. "WOO!" he shouted, rushing in and claiming his bowl of soup.

"How did the blind one out of the three make it out alive?" Flowerwish demanded, poofing Dovewing and Lionblaze back to life and sending them all home. "That doesn't make any sense!"

"Whatever. Next..." Stormgrowl read the list. She poofed Jayfeather and Hollyleaf to the studio. For some reason, Jayfeather knew what to do. He put on an epic stare face and looked at his sister.

"StarClan has killed the code." He watched his sister carefully.

***Hollyleaf's POV***

Jayfeather finished his sentence and I froze. His voice echoed in my ears and my eyes grew wide. _StarClan has killed the code... StarClan... killed the code... the code..._

***back to third-person***

"Get off of me!" Eclipse shrieked, Hollyleaf on top of him. "Off! Get away!"

Mooncloud shoved Hollyleaf off and helped Eclipse up. Eclipse summoned a rabid unicorn and Hollyleaf rode it to StarClan, murdering Spottedleaf and Yellowfang first, then Silverstream, Bluestar, Runningnose, Flametail, and the rest of the dead cats. Greypaw poofed her home.

"What the hell, Greypaw!" Sparkleflower shrieked. "You god-forsaken cursed child, get the hell away from here!"

"Whyyy?" Greypaw whined, cuddling against his mother. "Why won't you let me near the other cats? Why can't I be like the other apprentices?" He sniffled. "I've been training super hard with Clawthroat! I even made him a latte! Aren't you proud?"

"..." Sparkleflower tasered him. "What the fuck? Clawthroat! Explain this!"

"So sorry, Sparkleflower," Clawthroat apologized. "It's my fault. I was craving a latte, so he made me one... he has been battle training though! He even gave me a nasty scar on my belly..." He winced. "I think your 'god-forsaken curse child' has gotten the message that he needs to gain respect, unlike the rest of us who have it naturally."

"Really?" Sparkleflower narrowed her eyes. "Can you prove this?"

"Sure can!" Greypaw squeaked. In a quick flash, he sliced Bouldertalon's tail off. "Good enough?"

"...I suppose..." Sparkleflower eyed him warily while Bouldertalon poofed his tail back on. "You have permission to take place in the show besides us pushing you around."

"Yaaay!" Greypaw snuggled her, and got tasered again.

"Oops. Bad habit." Sparkleflower snickered as she poofed Firestar to the studio and strapped him to a spinning wheel. She made it go 100 mph and gave Tigerstripe the spotlight.

Tigerstripe looked as if he had just been given all the cookies in the world. He started randomly throwing knives at the leader. They all narrowly missed him and formed an outline around his body. "Dammit- why- can't- I-" the tom kept throwing knives until one eventually hit his tail, and then his front leg. "WOOHOO!" Tigerstripe cheered.

"Okay, that's enough," Sparkleflower said, taking the knives from Tigerstripe.

"But- but- noooooeeeeesssssssss!" Tigerstripe wailed. "Gives me tha preciouses!" He hissed. "THEY STEALS THA PRECIOUSES! THEY PAAAAAAYS!" He got locked in a room by Talonwing.

"Alrighty then." Flowerwish poofed Firestar home and dragged the wheel to a closet while Stormgrowl poofed the Three to the studio and Gingerfrost screeched.

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Gingerfrost ran away and cowered behind Spottedpelt.

"Yeah, hiding behind the youngest, smallest, least experienced warrior will REALLY help. Wow." Spottedpelt rolled his eyes.

"Lionblaze, do you have any idea what's going on with her?" Dovewing asked.

"No clue." Both cats looked expectantly at Jayfeather. "Well, Jay? You have a special talent when it comes to invading others' privacy. Let's hear it."

"She thinks you're out to kill her." Jayfeather sighed. "So what do you guys want now?"

"NOW, SPOTTEDFIRE, SUNBLAZE, CLAWTHROAT, AND THUNDERBLAZE!" Mudface screeched. Said cats leaped at the Three and stuffed them in a giant teddy bear.

"What the hell?" Jayfeather kicked around and then had a sneezing fit as the cotton tickled his nose.

"What just happened?" Dovewing mewed. "It's so dark!"

"Dovewing, Jayfeather, both of you get the hell off of me!" Lionblaze growled, squirming under their weight.

"How exactly-achoo!-do you expect us to-ACHOO!-do that, now? Ah- ah- ACHOO!" Jayfeather sniffled.

"Let us ooouuut!" Dovewing whined.

"Nah, don't feel like it." Angelfur poofed Dovewing and the teddy bear to ThunderClan, but made Jayfeather and Lionblaze stay, making Jayfeather a she-cat.

"Oh dear STARCLAN!" Jayfeather screeched as realization dawned on his face. "NO! NOOO! SAVE ME STARCLAN!"

"What?" Lionblaze asked stupidly. "Wait a minute... oh my... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

The studio cats only smirked as the two were forced to mate in the closet, then poofed them home with Jayfeather expecting.

"That's gonna cause quite the uproar," Bouldertalon snickered. "Next?"

"Um.. apparently we have a truth." Flowerwish poofed Jayfeather back to the studio.

"What?" Jayfeather demanded. "I can't be a medicine cat anymore because of you!"

"We were just told to ask you a question." Stormgrowl rolled her eyes. "You don't have to be so touchy."

"What would you name you and Half Moon's kits?" Sparkleflower asked.

"Oh..." Jayfeather suddenly had a faraway look in his eyes. "Well, hoping there would be four, I'd name 2 of them like Clan cats and the other 2 like Tribe cats. The Clan cats would be Fernleap and Maplenose, since they have no naming ceremonies, and the Tribe ones would be Drop of Falling Rain and Cloud in Blue Sky..." the ((former lol xD)) medicine cat sighed.

"...I don't think you understand exactly the kind of names the tribe uses," Talonwing said, facepalming and poofing him home.

"Cats of TortureClan!" Sparkleflower shouted over all other noise, letting Tigerstripe out of his room. "We are going out for some fresh air!" The cats in the studio hissed.

"YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE SERIOUS!" Dawnfire screeched.

"We must stay cooped up in this dark place or we'll shrivel up and no longer exist!" Sunblaze meowed.

"No! Noooo! No outside!" Spottedfire wailed.

"We'll all diiiieeee out there!" Leafwing fell over in a fake faint.

"You guys are totally overreacti-" Sparkleflower hissed and writhed around in the grass as she walked outside. "The sun! It buuuuurrrrnnnnssssss! IT BUUUUUUUURRRRRNNNNNNSSSSS! I'M MELTING! !"

"Uh... Sparkleflower?" Tigerstripe handed her an umbrella. Every cat had one.

"Oh." Sparkleflower took it, embarrassed. "LET US GO!" She ran off in the direction of the lake and the cats intercepted ThunderClan on its way to the Gathering. The whole of the Clan groaned audibly.

"Firestar!" Spottedpelt called. He padded over and whispered in the leader's ear. Firestar sighed and nodded. TortureClan followed them to the island and settled in the trees.

"Let the Gathering begin!" Mistystar called. "RiverClan has plenty prey and our warriors are as fit and strong as ever. That is all." She allowed Onestar forward.

"WindClan is doing just as well, but I'm afraid we accidentally chased some foxes into ShadowClan territory. Don't die." Onestar sat next to Mistystar and Blackstar stepped forward.

"Our Clan is doing wonderful, and we'll watch for that fox, Onestar."

Firestar stood wearily. "Our Clan is doing very well also. I'd like to change the names of two of our warriors, though, since I believe they deserve it. Dovewing's new name will be Nosey, for her ability to easily find out what others are doing, and Ivypool will be Spanky for her attitude. That is all."

There was silence. Suddenly, the Clans burst into hysterical laughter. Nosey and Spanky started crying. The Clans went home and Nosey and Spanky were forever made fun of.

"Okay... now what?" Bouldertalon asked.

"Get Sandstorm." Sparkleflower grinned mischievously. Bouldertalon went and got the ginger she-cat.

"What now?" Sandstorm groaned. She suddenly screamed as Talonwing pushed her into a pit of sharp rocks that was conveniently nearby. The studio cats all flinched as she was speared on a long one.

"That's gotta hurt," Flowerwish said sympathetically.

"What now?" Gingerfrost asked. All of a sudden a sink fell from the sky on top of her.

"All the Clans have to worship that sink instead of StarClan," Dawnfire giggled.

"This should be interesting," Tigerstripe commented, randomly drying up the Moonpool and putting the sink there. Just then, the medicine cats started heading to where the Moonpool used to be.

"OH THY MAGICAL SINK!" Jayfeather cried. "WHAT SHALL WE DO? THERE IS AN OUTBREAK OF GREENGOUGH!"

Nothing happened. The sink just sat there.

"THE SINK HAS SPOKEN!" Kestrelflight shouted. "DO NOTHING!"

The rest of the medicine cats cheered and they all left.

"So... now the Clans are doomed, right?" Stormgrowl asked.

"Pretty much," Sparkleflower meowed. "Pretty sure that's all. See you guys next time on..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!" everyone else shouted.

**Had a lot of fun with this one xD ALL HAIL THE MAGICAL SINK! oOHawkpathOo and I were talking earlier and we decided... the next chapter shall be dedicated to... MUFFINS! You can only send in dares including muffins! That's all! Ja ne~**


	11. I missed y'all!

**Disclaimer: I'M BACK PEOPLES! I don't own Warriors. You should know who I do own.**

Leader:

**Sparkleflower** – Fluffy silver she-cat with blue eyes. Is obsessed with Graystripe. Most insane, dangerous, and smart host. Owns a purple sparkly taser (pink is too manly!) named Electrovi, is her best friend. Hates Millie and constantly tortures her. Host.

Deputy:

**Hawkpath** - Brown she-cat with black paws, tail tip, and ears. When made mad her eyes will turn ice blue and she WILL use her incredibly sharp claws. Security. Apprentice is Redpaw.

Medicine Cat(s):

**Snowclaw – **Fluffy white she-cat with blue eyes. Sparkleflower's sister. No known weapon.

**Willowmoon** – Fluffy light brown she-cat with ice blue eyes. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower. Security as well as medicine cat.

**Icenose -**White tom. Loves Ivypool. No known weapon.

Warriors:

**Tigerstripe** – Black and orange striped tabby with dark eyes. Is more insane the happier he is. Doesn't care about most the cats, but enjoys watching Sparkleflower taser them. Has "muscle spasms" while holding a knife that makes him stab "on accident". Host.

**Angelfur** – White she-cat with a brown/tan diamond on forehead and green eyes. Hates Blackstar. Obsessed with Brackenfur. Cousins with Sparkleflower. Owns a random ball with retractable poison spikes. Host.

**Spottedpelt**– Golden spotted tom with green eyes. Loves Hollyleaf (o.e). Enjoys watching Tigerstripe get annoyed. Uses a slingshot with sharp rocks as projectiles. Host.

**Bouldertalon** – Dark gray tom with black stripes and bright green eyes. Uses fiery thorns. Enjoys other cats' pain and suffering. Mentor to Mosspaw. Host.

**Stormgrowl** - Fluffy dark gray she-cat with bright yellow eyes. Has dark gray retractable wings. Lightningstrike and Thunderblaze's sister. Mate is Tigerfire. Mentor to Eaglepaw. Host.

**Dawnfire** - Blue she-cat with orange stripes and blue eyes. Is invincible to everything but claws and teeth. Mate is Thunderblaze. Mentor to Honeypaw. Host.

**Flowerwish** - Tortoiseshell she-cat with pretty blue eyes. Has exploding flowers. Mentor to Snowpaw. Host.

**Gingerfrost** - Ginger she-cat with white patches. Weapon is a metal boomerang with spikes that inject poison on contact. Tends to think Lionblaze wants to kill her, stalks Dustpelt, and loves to torture Sandstorm and Firestar. Host.

**Talonwing** – Black she-cat with silver paws and blue eyes. Crazy, spazy, and sort of grumpy Weapon is an electric guitar than can make a cat's ears explode. Host.

**Willowmoon** – Fluffy light brown she-cat with ice blue eyes. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower. Security as well as medicine cat.

**Mudface** – Mud-colored tom with brown eyes. Uses a grenade launcher. If annoyed, cats will go flying. Security.

**Spottedfire** - Has a bracelet that lets her turn into stuff like dragons and tigers (her favorite transformations) Dark tortoiseshell she-cat with orange splotches and emerald green eyes. Has 3 kits (Eaglekit, Mosskit, Honeykit) Likes to fight with Lionblaze. Mate is Lightningstrike (White tom with golden streaks and pale green eyes) who makes random appearances on the show with various weapons. Security.

**Sunblaze** – Bright Ginger she-cat with amber eyes. Smart, sarcastic, sometimes violent. She can control the elements of nature (water, wind, fire, and air). Security.

**Leafwing** – Weapon is a big stick with poisonous thorns on it that can make you fall asleep and have 100 nightmares. Security.

**Tigerfire**- Orange tom with black stripes and emerald green eyes. Can copy others powers/weapons. Spottedfire and Dawnfire's brother. Mate is Stormgrowl. Mentor to Stripepaw. Security.

**Thunderblaze** - Golden tom with white and ginger streaks and amber eyes. Can see a cats future. Is Lightningstrike and Stormgrowl's brother. Mate is Dawnfire. Security.

**Clawthroat** – Has the Force (like in Star Wars). Whichever cat he used the force on lands on a bed of nails. Mentor to Greykit. Security.

**Leopardpelt** - Golden fur with brown spots and piercing green eyes. Stalker to Brambleclaw. Mentor to Moonkit. Has a staff that can control fire, ice and thunder. Hates Squirrelflight. Security.

**Mooncloud** - Silver tabby with darker gray stripes and a dark gray moon by her left eye, white tuxedo markings, and bright blue eyes. Has just about no sanity left after eight moons of regular apprentice training. Has multiple personalities. Has a crush on Eclipse. Weapon is a poisoned stiletto dagger. Security.

**Eclipse** - Dark gray tom with green eyes, can call up rainbows and rabid unicorns. Also can read minds. Security.

Apprentices:

**Greypaw** - Sparkleflower's kit. Named after Graystripe, replacing the 'a' with an 'e'. Uses all assassin items. Mentor is Clawthroat. Security in training.

**Eaglepaw** - Dark brown-and-white tom with golden streaks and golden eyes. Can summon two special cats named Dark and Light. Mentor is Stormgrowl. Host in training.

**Honeypaw** - White she-cat with golden streaks and honey colored eyes. Can summon zombie ninjas. Mentor is Dawnfire. Host in training.

**Mosspaw** - Tortoiseshell she-cat with green eyes. Has a machine gun. Mentor is Bouldertalon. Host in training.

**Moonpaw** - Silver she-cat with white streaks and silver eyes. Uses telepathy. Mentor is Leopardpelt. Security in training.

**Snowpaw** - White she-cat with amber eyes. Has psychic powers. Mentor is Flowerwish. Host in training.

**Redpaw** - Flaming ginger she-cat with green eyes. Has a best friend who... is just... incredibly dangerous, and I'll leave it at that. Mentor is Hawkpath. Security in training.

**Stripepaw** – Dark brown tabby tom with red streaks and yellow eyes. Highly aggressive and moves like a ninja. Mentor is Tigerfire. Security in training.

"Hi!" Sparkleflower said. "Welcome to..."

"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other hosts shouted.

"So we have a solution to our huge problem!" Sparkleflower squealed.

"STAND BACK!" Talonwing screeched, jumping onto Eclipse's head. "SHE'S HAPPY! DON'T TOUCH HER OR SHE'LL PASS IT ONTO YOU!"

"Shut up. Hawkpath, go punch her in the face." Tigerstripe sat licking his paw.

Hawkpath punched Talonwing in the face.

"SO!" Sparkleflower snapped (how does that work? She doesn't have thumbs :P) and Bouldertalon appeared with a box of muffin hats. "Like we promised, the chapter is dedicated to muffins! To my dear FF viewers, I miss you all dearly and hope you got my message! I'm afraid I won't be able to access some dares since my password is changed. You'll have to PM me on this other account. Many apologies!"

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO SPARKLEFLOWER?!" Sunblaze demanded, burning her to a crisp.

"Oh THAT IS IT!" Sparkleflower tasered her. "Now everybody take a muffin hat. I even got one for my-"(she grimaced)"-son." The hats were all passed around. The apprentices scampered around, looking like giant muffins under the much too large muffin hats.

"Can I do it?! Can I do it?!" Flowerwish begged. "Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplea se-"

"YES. Go ahead." Spottedfire muttered something under her breath.

"ALRIGHT!" she cheered. She poofed the Three into the studio. Before they could say anything, they were suddenly trapped in a huge muffin.

"Again?!" Jayfeather demanded. "You've gotta be shittin' me! As if the pregnancy and the similar situation with the teddy bear weren't enough!"

"You know what?" Dovewing was barely heard over the sound of Jayfeather's complaining. "Fuck it… just… just fuck it."

"I'm not even surprised anymore," Lionblaze muttered.

"You could always BE a muffin," Stormgrowl suggested. Lionblaze started to protest but then they were all shoved into a huge mixing bowl with muffin batter and were mixed into it, then Willowmoon baked them for 14 minutes. The huge muffin that was the result was eaten by Eaglepaw and Stripepaw. They looked like cannibal muffins because of their hats. Sparkleflower poofed Lionblaze and Dovewing home and rematerialized Jayfeather.

"I can't believe you guys just-"He paused. "What's that delicious smell?" He dove for the newest batch of muffins from Willowmoon (which were mysteriously made in 2 secs) and grew so fat from eating them that when he licked a crumb off his paw he exploded. Willowmoon looked dazed.

"Are… you okay?" Angelfur asked.

"My muffins… everybody loves them so much…" her eyes filled with tears. "I'm so proud!" she wailed.

"MUFFIN BAZOOKA TIME!" Dawnfire threw them at the cats. Spottedpelt was hit in the head by his.

"TO THE CLANS!" Sparkleflower shrieked. First was RiverClan.

"What the fu—"Mistystar found herself choking on a muffin.

"No! Please!" Voletooth screeched. "We're too fat from eating so much fish! No mu—" He died as Sparkleflower shot a muffin down his throat.

"What's going on?" Firestar asked, racing into the clearing. His answer was a muffin down his throat.

"We come to invade and this is what we get?!" Lionblaze demanded. The muffin that was shot at him was inhaled so that it filled his lungs and he suffocated.

Tawnypelt, Blackstar, Ratscar, and Tigerheart appear. "Dear StarClan!" Blackstar yowled. "Us ShadowClan cats could hear this commotion in our c—"He got buried in muffins.

"You're not going to let any of them finish their sentences, are you, guys?" Gingerfrost demanded.

"Nope!" Sparkleflower replied, pelting a group of WindClan cats who came to investigate with muffins. They all went home.

"So what now?" Gingerfrost asked. A muffin fell out of the sky and hit her on the head. "Huh. At least that didn't hurt as much as—"A piano landed on top of her. The muffin still sat there innocently.

"Dat Piano…" Sparkleflower shook her head. "I want to know how the hell it recovers every time. It smashed on Lionblaze, exploded after the episode with the drunkies dancing to it, and now, next time we see it, it'll be perfectly intact. Just you wait."

"So what's with the muffin?" Bouldertalon asked.

"The clans have to worship it instead of StarClan."

"Figures."

The muffin was sent to the Moonpool and the sink was thrown away. Jayfeather stomped up to the muffin.

"Goddamn TortureClan cats…" he grumbled, then wailed pleadingly to the muffin. "Forgive my tainted soul, O All Powerful Muffin! I had no intention of breaking your prefect code! Will you forgive me? Forgive me for the kits that I did not want!"

The muffin did nothing.

"O, All Knowing Muffin… how may I gain your eternal respect?" Jayfeather murmured.

The muffin still did nothing.

"I shall never doubt your decision, O Great and Powerful Muffin. I will do nothing in hopes that you will forgive my pathetic self." The blind medicine cat slinked away.

"…" The studio was silent for a long, long time.

"SPAAAARKLEEEFLOOOOWWWERRR!" A white blur tackled the silver host, giggling.

"OMG Snowclaaaaw!" Sparkleflower squealed. "I missed you!"

"Who's that?" Flowerwish asked as Willowmoon made more muffins.

"Well, Flowerwish, Willowmoon isn't our original medicine cat." Sparkleflower sat up. "Snowclaw is. Willowmoon was her apprentice, and she took over while Snowclaw was away. I miiisssseeed yooouuu, sis!"

"I missed you too!" Snowclaw glomped her older sister again.

"DONE WIF DA MUFFINS!" Willowmoon stopped and dropped the tray of muffins. They were saved by the apprentices. "OMG SNOWCLAW!" The apprentice joined the glomp.

Meanwhile, Tigerstripe poofed the Three along with Hollyleaf, Ivypool, and Firestar to the studio. They split into boys vs. girls and had a muffin fight.

"MUAHAHAHA—oww!" Firestar wailed, having been hit in the eye. "That huuuurt!"

"We are epic!" Dovewing screamed. Suddenly, though, Ivypool, Hollyleaf, and Firestar morphed into mutant muffins.

"AAAAHHHH!" The power of three screamed as 2 of them lunged at the Three and the other pelted them with muffins. The muffins were turned back to cats and they along with Dovewing and Jayfeather were poofed home. Lionblaze was led to a room by Stormgrowl. Angelfur shoved Gingerfrost inside. 59 min, 59 sec, and 99 milliseconds later Gingerfrost ran out screaming.

"Not an hour," Sparkleflower sighed. "Lionblaze doesn't explode."

"WHY'D YOU HAVE TO SPOIL IT, GINGERFROST?!" Snowclaw demanded.

"Oh, sis," Sparkleflower murmured. "You're being so harsh… I TAUGHT YOU SO WELL!"

"D'aww, it was nothing…" Snowclaw pawed at the ground.

Gingerfrost wailed. "WHY'D YOU DO THAT TO ME?!"

"Whew!" Lionblaze sighed in relief.

He was poofed back to the Clans and Jayfeather took his place. He/she was baked into a huge muffin. Tawneypelt appeared and attacked him/her, because she believed he/she was a living muffin. He/she tried to eat his/her way out of the muffin but it took forever, and Tawneypelt killed him/her on sight.

"That was quick." Sparkleflower poofed them home. Suddenly dogs appeared in the studio. They attacked the cats.

A panda picture was placed in front of the camera. "I'm sorry, this is being ruled out for extreme violence and-" Snowclaw's voice cut off for a moment. "-eewww-sexual themes?! Okay, fine- so yeah."

*10 minutes later*

The panda picture was removed to show the dogs in the forest. Lionblaze, Cinderheart, Spiderleg, and Toadfoot confronted them.

"Oh shizznizzles!" Toadfoot yowled. The dog shot lasers out of its eyes and Toadfoot turned into a muffin.

The patrol looked at each other as one of the dogs gobbled up Toadfoot. They screamed like sissies and ran back to camp.

"THE DOGS FROM THE OLD FOREST ARE BACK!" Cinderheart screeched.

"Oh nooooeeeees!" Dovewing-er, no, wait-Nosey yowled.

"Dogs?!" Spanky demanded.

"Shizznizzles!" Firestar exclaimed.

"WHAT IS WITH THAT WORD?!" Lionblaze sat on the ground, confused.

The dogs burst into the clearing. They fired their laser eyes at the Clan. In a matter of seconds, every cat in the new territory was a muffin.

Sparkleflower poofed everything back to normal. Jayfeather returned to the studio.

"I wanna take a nap!" he/she complained.

"What's your worst fear?" Tigerstripe asked.

"You."

"Alrighty!"

2 seconds later Jayfeather was back in the Clan…

…with tons of muffins.

"HOW did that even HAPPEN!?" Tigerstripe screeched. "IMPOSSIBLE!"

"I dunno. Let's look at the camera slow-mo." Spottedpelt rewinded the camera. It showed Jayfeather blindly stumbling around and finally somehow making Tigerstripe stumble and fall over a strange magic cliff.

"Uhh…" Stormgrowl poofed Brokenstar and Tigerstar to the studio.

"RAWR!" Brokenstar sliced Tigerstar's stomach open on sight randomly without even being told the dare.

"AGAIN?" Hawkpath sighed. She handed a muffin to Brokenstar. He bit it as all of the studio hid. There was a few beeps and Brokenstar exploded.

"Woo!" The apprentices hopped around, still looking like walking muffins. Sparkleflower faced the camera.

"Love you guys! See ya next time on…"

"The Warriors Torture show!"

**Okies, FINALLY! I missed y'all so much and hope y'all found me! Puzzlefreak, I totally forgot about yer cat Dx but I love her and will include her! Love SpottedTalonWarrior for finding me first! Next is a questionare! Ask any of my cats or thw warriors questions! Ja ne~**


End file.
